Or Ammar. Or David. Or Lelia. Or Aqmad. Or Shema. Or that one name that I didn't quite catch because of that thick accent.
After one week here in Israel-Palestine - after a week of incredible, life-altering, paradigm smashing experiences - I am left feeling more hopelessly incompetent that I ever have before because I learned that just as soon as you think you know something, you realize: You Don't Know Jack! The world is infinitely more complex than I will ever be able to comprehend. To say that I have pinned it down is just arrogance. Nothing is EVER as simple as I could make it out to be.
For as long as I've known about the conflict, I have tried to avoid drawing conclusions. I don't like to make decisions in general, but I've always felt that I simply don't know enough about the conflict to ever give judgments of the "rightness" or "wrongness" of this or that side. I simply should not be allowed to ever make that call. However, as I started learning more, I began to subconsciously adopt the rather snobbish-intellectual perspective: Occupation is wrong, and those who suffer as the occupied people must always be right.
Now, let me be absolutely clear: I am certainly not going to turn my former opinions on their head. I have seen some of the evils of occupation firsthand. I have seen how it puts any sort of equal playing field out of the question, how it dismantles the economy, how it can keep people from living normal, self-determining lives. I cannot forget these things, and I do not think that they are right.
However, now I'm at an Israeli settlement. I am staying with an Orthodox Jewish family who is actually living on one of those supposedly illegal structures built on Palestinian land - one of those structures that I've probably lambasted in the past. And I've come to realize that just as soon as you think you know what you're talking about, you should probably shut up really quickly, because you absolutely do not know the whole story. Today, I've heard stories of people who want the same things that we all want: they want a place where they can practice their religion in safety, where they can teach their children good values, pass their traditions on to the next generation, have a place to call home and a community that they can share the triumphs and tragedies of life with others. Now who the heck am I to condemn anyone for pursuing these beautiful things?
I am not saying that I agree with every action taken by the Israeli government or even its citizens, and I'm not saying that there shouldn't be some concessions made for peace. What I am saying is that I was far too quick to point fingers previously. I don't know all the sides of the story or all these rich and wonderful personal narratives. I feel absolutely humbled by all the stories of fear and longing and desire that I've heard - I wish I had time to go into detail to them here. What I can say now with even more emphasis than I ever have in my life is that to every side of a conflict there is a story. Conflicts are comprised of people having individual struggles; to take the human out of the picture through demonization or stereotyping or simplifying is to absolutely miss the point.
I feel so blessed to have such a beautifully challenging experience. If only I had time to write more! Someone said today: You stay in a country a week, you could write a book. For a few months, you could write an article. For a few years, you wouldn't be able write anything at all. This is a little bit how I feel. I think that if I stayed here forever, I just would not even know what to think anymore. The more you continue to learn, the more you realize ... you don't know Jack.
Thanks for taking the time to read up on my experiences! I look forward to sharing more!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Seconds and Snowflakes
I know I shouldn't be here right now. I know I still have an empty backpack, and a mind and body devoid of REMs. But the house is still, and my mind is not, and it just seems like it would be a good time to write.
It feels strange to hear the click of the keyboard as something almost comforting - especially when it mingles with the sound of the birds who have taken in upon themselves to gently stir the sun from its slumber. For the past four years, the seconds that wedged themselves between the click of the keys in the early morning were torturous to me - they were lost seconds, and every one of them would bring me nearer to a deadline which kept coming toward me at a faster and faster pace. Now, however, the words that accompany the sound of the keyboard can come as they please, unforced, and the seconds that occur between sentences don't have to taunt me.
The seconds that make up my life - whether they occurred in between the clicks of the keyboard or between the steps I took as I walked from one campus building to the next - accumulated without my realization, like a light snow that somehow turns the world white in the morning. Now it's like I'm awakening after that silent snowfall, wondering how the landscape of my life was so profoundly altered by just those tiny, insignificant seconds; there is both a sense of peacefulness and foreignness to this new world, and I'm walking out into that dazzling whiteness, just trying to adjust my eyes.
The landscape will change for me yet again, albeit briefly. In just a few hours I will have to be ready to leave for Israel-Palestine, perfectly loaded backpack or not. This trip came up suddenly. For months I told myself that it would feel more real when it got closer, that I could focus on it more once things like school and work weren't obstructing my vision. But finals week came and went before I could even see straight, and now ... now it's all over. Everything that I've worked for over the past four years has been accomplished. Soon I will come back and pack up my room and leave this house and the people in it, and I don't know when I'll see them again. And right in the midst of all this, I'm leaving. And there's a large part of me, at least right now, that would give anything to just push this trip back one more week, just one more week to let me make my peace with where I am right now. One more week to relish in the highs of graduation, the excitement of the year that lies ahead, and the blessings of living with your friends. It's ironic that I'm setting out with the intent of greater comprehension of a enormously complex political struggle - and all I want is to be able to comprehend what's happening at the micro-level of my own mind, my own life.
I think the past two days have finally caught up with me. My attempts at packing tonight brought me to my emotional capacity, and everything bubbling beneath the surface just exploded in unrecognizable forms - the sadness of the reality of leaving my family and Matthew, the ache of finally saying one goodbye after another to friends, the frustration of not having everything "in line" the way I would like it to before I leave, the disappointment that the roommates couldn't have the quality farewell that I had hoped for. I have realized again and again how hard it will be for me to finally leave this place that I have come to love so deeply, and all the experiences that I have had here.
I'm not going to lie, I'm sick of this house. I hate this drafty living room, but when I think about all the life that has occurred here, it makes me sick to leave: late-night study parties, finer films, birthday surprises, the countless episodes of Seinfeld and endless bowls of chips and salsa ... All of this is over. I feel a lot like I always did at the end of camp: there's a time when it hurts so much to know that something you love so much is over that you feel a little numb inside - numb, but still raw.
I think what is keeping me going right now is this passage from Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts. It's a decent enough read, but the foreword is the part that really captivated me when I read the book a number of years ago. These passages are ones that I turn to often when I can't keep up with all the cycles of life. I'm including a big chunk of the foreward here, but if you have a moment, I'd encourage you to read it. I think they're some of my favorite written words, which is saying something for an English major. :)
The page count is dwindling for me for this part of my life, and soon I will shut the cover altogether. I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that there are more books to write.
Thanks for reading.
It feels strange to hear the click of the keyboard as something almost comforting - especially when it mingles with the sound of the birds who have taken in upon themselves to gently stir the sun from its slumber. For the past four years, the seconds that wedged themselves between the click of the keys in the early morning were torturous to me - they were lost seconds, and every one of them would bring me nearer to a deadline which kept coming toward me at a faster and faster pace. Now, however, the words that accompany the sound of the keyboard can come as they please, unforced, and the seconds that occur between sentences don't have to taunt me.
The seconds that make up my life - whether they occurred in between the clicks of the keyboard or between the steps I took as I walked from one campus building to the next - accumulated without my realization, like a light snow that somehow turns the world white in the morning. Now it's like I'm awakening after that silent snowfall, wondering how the landscape of my life was so profoundly altered by just those tiny, insignificant seconds; there is both a sense of peacefulness and foreignness to this new world, and I'm walking out into that dazzling whiteness, just trying to adjust my eyes.
The landscape will change for me yet again, albeit briefly. In just a few hours I will have to be ready to leave for Israel-Palestine, perfectly loaded backpack or not. This trip came up suddenly. For months I told myself that it would feel more real when it got closer, that I could focus on it more once things like school and work weren't obstructing my vision. But finals week came and went before I could even see straight, and now ... now it's all over. Everything that I've worked for over the past four years has been accomplished. Soon I will come back and pack up my room and leave this house and the people in it, and I don't know when I'll see them again. And right in the midst of all this, I'm leaving. And there's a large part of me, at least right now, that would give anything to just push this trip back one more week, just one more week to let me make my peace with where I am right now. One more week to relish in the highs of graduation, the excitement of the year that lies ahead, and the blessings of living with your friends. It's ironic that I'm setting out with the intent of greater comprehension of a enormously complex political struggle - and all I want is to be able to comprehend what's happening at the micro-level of my own mind, my own life.
I think the past two days have finally caught up with me. My attempts at packing tonight brought me to my emotional capacity, and everything bubbling beneath the surface just exploded in unrecognizable forms - the sadness of the reality of leaving my family and Matthew, the ache of finally saying one goodbye after another to friends, the frustration of not having everything "in line" the way I would like it to before I leave, the disappointment that the roommates couldn't have the quality farewell that I had hoped for. I have realized again and again how hard it will be for me to finally leave this place that I have come to love so deeply, and all the experiences that I have had here.
I'm not going to lie, I'm sick of this house. I hate this drafty living room, but when I think about all the life that has occurred here, it makes me sick to leave: late-night study parties, finer films, birthday surprises, the countless episodes of Seinfeld and endless bowls of chips and salsa ... All of this is over. I feel a lot like I always did at the end of camp: there's a time when it hurts so much to know that something you love so much is over that you feel a little numb inside - numb, but still raw.
I think what is keeping me going right now is this passage from Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts. It's a decent enough read, but the foreword is the part that really captivated me when I read the book a number of years ago. These passages are ones that I turn to often when I can't keep up with all the cycles of life. I'm including a big chunk of the foreward here, but if you have a moment, I'd encourage you to read it. I think they're some of my favorite written words, which is saying something for an English major. :)
"...Every person has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.
I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.
Only the good stories have the characters different at the end than they were at the beginning. And the closest thing I can liken life to is a book, the way it stretches out on paper, page after page, as if to trick the mind into thinking it isn't all happening at once.
Time has pressed you and me into a book, too, this tiny chapter we share together, this vapor of a scene, pulling our seconds into minutes and minutes into hours. Everything we were is no more, and what we will become, will become what was. This is from where story stems, the stuff of its construction lying at our feet like cut strips of philosophy. I sometimes look into the endless heavens, the cosmos of which we can't find the edge, and ask God what it means. Did You really do all of this to dazzle us? Do You really keep it shifting, rolling round the pinions to stave off boredom? God forbid Your glory would be our distraction. And God forbid we would ignore Your glory.
...Life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath ... It's a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were . . . and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be.
So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.
And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
The page count is dwindling for me for this part of my life, and soon I will shut the cover altogether. I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that there are more books to write.
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Story of Stuff
I've been meaning to post this for awhile, and randomly thought of it tonight. You should Definitely check out this video!!
http://www.storyofstuff.com/
It's totally gonna rock the way you think about STUFF. I know I need to take a piece of my own advice, but it's worth thinking about ...
http://www.storyofstuff.com/
It's totally gonna rock the way you think about STUFF. I know I need to take a piece of my own advice, but it's worth thinking about ...
Just for Smiles :)
In class we were reading about how there is something in our brains that gets triggered when we see smiling faces. It tells us that it's okay to approach. Conversely, when we see faces that are angry or fearful, we have this instinct to back away. All for survival, and such. For a presentation on some of the scientific research behind this, I added some pictures of smiling faces for some effect, to make things more interesting. I just thought they made me happy, maybe you'll think so too!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Heart of Life Is Good
Ohhh no ....
It has been so long!
Unfortunately, this won't be a very long or meaningful post, but I just wanted to get some activity going on here, for the sake of remembering - at least a little bit - this time in my life.
I think that John Mayer was onto something when he sung that "the heart of life is good." It's what I feel right now. Life is complicated and it's uncertain, but it's good.
I think life has really good this particular semester because it's simpler than it has been in the past. I'm enjoying my (two) classes very much, and I actually have time to do the reading for them. Work has been nice, and there are some writing opportunities on the table there and elsewhere. I'm getting to hang out with my friends and family more than I did last semester, and I don't feel as sick or as stressed as I did in the fall. Matthew keeps trying to convince me that life doesn't have to be so insanely busy or full to be enjoyable, and I think he's on to something. : ) It's nice to be able to take care of myself and enjoy the smaller pleasures of life, rather than rushing past them in the name of finishing whatever was left undone till the last possible minute. It is something that I want to keep going in my life. It's difficult to remember when there are SO many opportunities all around me; I always want to do everything. But, in the end, you can only do so much ... and it IS really lovely to just be content.
I'm really tired and should get some sleep, but I do hope to write again soon! Thanks for checking up on my blog!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Countdown
T-minus 40 hours.
40 hours from now, the semester from hell will be over!! No more research, no more collecting data, no more Chaucer in Middle English, no more reading really abstract books about racial identity ... wait. I didn't read those anyway. Well, now it doesn't matter, because I have survived. My GPA might crash and burn, my health might crumble to the ground, and I might sleep for a week when I finally, finally get home, but these things pale in comparison to the feeling that the end is SO CLOSE!!
One more exam. 40 more hours. I can do it!
40 hours from now, the semester from hell will be over!! No more research, no more collecting data, no more Chaucer in Middle English, no more reading really abstract books about racial identity ... wait. I didn't read those anyway. Well, now it doesn't matter, because I have survived. My GPA might crash and burn, my health might crumble to the ground, and I might sleep for a week when I finally, finally get home, but these things pale in comparison to the feeling that the end is SO CLOSE!!
One more exam. 40 more hours. I can do it!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Female, 21, Seeking: New Adventures
To the tune of: Melon Hut
I'm going to Ireland ::oo, ahh::
And to Israel ::oo, ahh::
You can try to stop me but FIRST - ::Whaa::
You'll have to get my passport
My name is Nikki ::oo, ahh::
And I'm really excited! ::oo, ahh:
I really like traveling ::oo, ahh::
I just hope dad keeps funding me
Well, I'm just so pumped I could dance right now. Which is saying something, because there's not even music playing. And I have no rhythm. Or control of my limbs. But I don't care ... I also don't care that I have a 12 page paper due in a week (and still don't really have a topic), nor do I care that I cannot, for the life of me, seem to get a laptop in this god-forsaken library. These things cannot diminish my joy - the special kind of joy that only comes when new adventures are on the horizon. Ahh! If I can just get through this semester, everything will be okay: Ireland, Israel, and perhaps even Alaska await! I love it!
In other news: Hao is here! YAY! For those of you who do not know, Hao is became a very dear friend of ours in our travels to China. He helped us get food and $7 massages and taxis. He told us "don't worry" in a very endearing Italian accent whenever something didn't go quite right. Hao hiked up mountains and rafted down rivers with us. He climbed rocks and smoked cigars with us. He was a wonderful addition to a group of bumbling Americans. Well, he decided to fly in from Cambridge where he works now to surpise my roommate Katrina on her birthday! I was the only one who knew about the surprise, and am thrilled that everything went off without a hitch.
The surprise went like this: The roommates dressed in all black and kidnapped Katrina from the library (thanks to Jones's efforts at getting her there). We were briefly stopped by security, but this was immaterial. We took her to the Union, where brownies and balloons were awaiting her arrival. It was a brilliant! Katrina said afterwards, "You guys really outdid yourselves here." Well, little did she (or anyone) know that Hao was just upstairs, waiting for my cue. After we got her there safe and sound, I ran up, told Hao everyone was ready, and a few minutes later he came down and surpised the whole group! It was absolutely priceless. I think that whenever I am ever sad, I will just think about everyone's reactions and smile like a goon.
I hope that you are all enjoying life as much as I am right now. There's much to be thankful for!
I'm going to Ireland ::oo, ahh::
And to Israel ::oo, ahh::
You can try to stop me but FIRST - ::Whaa::
You'll have to get my passport
My name is Nikki ::oo, ahh::
And I'm really excited! ::oo, ahh:
I really like traveling ::oo, ahh::
I just hope dad keeps funding me
Well, I'm just so pumped I could dance right now. Which is saying something, because there's not even music playing. And I have no rhythm. Or control of my limbs. But I don't care ... I also don't care that I have a 12 page paper due in a week (and still don't really have a topic), nor do I care that I cannot, for the life of me, seem to get a laptop in this god-forsaken library. These things cannot diminish my joy - the special kind of joy that only comes when new adventures are on the horizon. Ahh! If I can just get through this semester, everything will be okay: Ireland, Israel, and perhaps even Alaska await! I love it!
In other news: Hao is here! YAY! For those of you who do not know, Hao is became a very dear friend of ours in our travels to China. He helped us get food and $7 massages and taxis. He told us "don't worry" in a very endearing Italian accent whenever something didn't go quite right. Hao hiked up mountains and rafted down rivers with us. He climbed rocks and smoked cigars with us. He was a wonderful addition to a group of bumbling Americans. Well, he decided to fly in from Cambridge where he works now to surpise my roommate Katrina on her birthday! I was the only one who knew about the surprise, and am thrilled that everything went off without a hitch.
The surprise went like this: The roommates dressed in all black and kidnapped Katrina from the library (thanks to Jones's efforts at getting her there). We were briefly stopped by security, but this was immaterial. We took her to the Union, where brownies and balloons were awaiting her arrival. It was a brilliant! Katrina said afterwards, "You guys really outdid yourselves here." Well, little did she (or anyone) know that Hao was just upstairs, waiting for my cue. After we got her there safe and sound, I ran up, told Hao everyone was ready, and a few minutes later he came down and surpised the whole group! It was absolutely priceless. I think that whenever I am ever sad, I will just think about everyone's reactions and smile like a goon.
I hope that you are all enjoying life as much as I am right now. There's much to be thankful for!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Move Over, Martha.
This weekend, I made a pie and played chess with a Deer mascot. I think I can now consider my life a success.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Ketchup
Hey!
It's been app. 3 decades since I have written anything of substance on my poor, forsaken blog. I was starting to feel a little guilty, like I've cheated on it with Facebook or Gmail or something. I wanted to make amens. Can't we be friends again, Blog?
Well, that was sufficiently nerdy. I just thought that I'd post a little update on my life, for anyone who might be interested. I mean, I've had so little time to stop and take it all in that I myself barely know what is going on anymore! Thus, it is time for some reflection.
The last couple months have seen the beginning stages of some major life changes. As the fall leaves are just starting to skitter around the sidewalks of Madison, so too are things in my little life starting to blow and toss around in the wind. Today, I am sitting at the exact middle-point of my final semester as a full-time student. Starting Tuesday, the semester will begin its descent downward, toward its end. This is strange. I'm a little torn between wanting it to be all over, and wishing I could go back and do it all again.
On the one hand, these past few weeks have been difficult. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of writing, tired of reading - and yet I know that the workload will only increase in intensity in the next few weeks, straight down through to the end. I don't know how I will summon the energy or the motivation to continue and to turn in quality work. Every morning that I wake up early and head to the library to finish whatever has been left undone becomes a day that leaves me drained until I finally get to crash into bed. Don't get me wrong; it's certainly not like I'm working all the time (case and point: I'm writing a blog and not a take-home exam right now). It's just that the things that you ::should:: be doing constantly hang over your head and eventually leave you drained.
Minus the workload, however, I could go on and on about some of the supremely positive things that have happening! The first thing that comes to mind is new and wonderful stud-muffin in my life, Matthew. For those unfamiliar with the situation, he was my boss at camp for the past three summers. (Don't worry, not as creepy as it sounds.) He became a great friend and then lots more! Though it's difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship in college, Matthew's been a great addition in my life. He keeps me sane, he helps me become a better person, he helps me realize who I am and what I want to be. Things have been going really well, and we are happy together. The future is up in the air, and it's hard to navigate the next couple of months, what with talk of China and all, but we'll cross those bridges when we come to them. Other good things: Friends! I love, love hanging out with my roommates. We've been trying to get together more this year, and trying to make the most our rapidly diminishing time here. We've been doing Wednesday night roommate dinners, which has been a blast, as well as becoming quite fluent in the film culture of America, due to the Finer Films Association of 22 S. Orchard. (I have now seen the Godfather, the Graduate, and the Rain Man. This might not be much to boast about, but it's more than I saw before.) It's great hanging out on the second floor with Jones and Katrina. Where would I be without them? Well, probably sleeping a lot more, for one thing ... : )
Another fun thing that has been happening is time home. It's been great. As hard as it sometimes is to get away on the weekends, it's been so nice to be able to come home for various celebrations. My family and I have gotten to celebrate the birth of my goddaughter, Hannah Lynn, as well as the life of my great-Grandmother, Evelyn Frega. We've also gotten to celebrate not just one but two amazing anniversaries. All in all, it's made me appreciate the family that I've had supporting me for all these years. It's so special to be able to look back on the people who've made me the person I've become, and the life that I've been brought up in. I'm certain that not many families have had anything quite like I have had, so all these gatherings have made me appreciate my blessings so much more. I just love my family so much!!
I could say more about my jobs (I'm working as a Writing Fellow and as an employee at Bean Sprouts - beansproutscafe.com - a healthy restaurant geared toward young families / little kids. It's way fun.) or about enjoying my last fall in Madison or about any number of other things, but it's time to catch up on the Office and make the most of my relaxing Thursday. Thanks for letting me be a part of your day!
It's been app. 3 decades since I have written anything of substance on my poor, forsaken blog. I was starting to feel a little guilty, like I've cheated on it with Facebook or Gmail or something. I wanted to make amens. Can't we be friends again, Blog?
Well, that was sufficiently nerdy. I just thought that I'd post a little update on my life, for anyone who might be interested. I mean, I've had so little time to stop and take it all in that I myself barely know what is going on anymore! Thus, it is time for some reflection.
The last couple months have seen the beginning stages of some major life changes. As the fall leaves are just starting to skitter around the sidewalks of Madison, so too are things in my little life starting to blow and toss around in the wind. Today, I am sitting at the exact middle-point of my final semester as a full-time student. Starting Tuesday, the semester will begin its descent downward, toward its end. This is strange. I'm a little torn between wanting it to be all over, and wishing I could go back and do it all again.
On the one hand, these past few weeks have been difficult. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of writing, tired of reading - and yet I know that the workload will only increase in intensity in the next few weeks, straight down through to the end. I don't know how I will summon the energy or the motivation to continue and to turn in quality work. Every morning that I wake up early and head to the library to finish whatever has been left undone becomes a day that leaves me drained until I finally get to crash into bed. Don't get me wrong; it's certainly not like I'm working all the time (case and point: I'm writing a blog and not a take-home exam right now). It's just that the things that you ::should:: be doing constantly hang over your head and eventually leave you drained.
Minus the workload, however, I could go on and on about some of the supremely positive things that have happening! The first thing that comes to mind is new and wonderful stud-muffin in my life, Matthew. For those unfamiliar with the situation, he was my boss at camp for the past three summers. (Don't worry, not as creepy as it sounds.) He became a great friend and then lots more! Though it's difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship in college, Matthew's been a great addition in my life. He keeps me sane, he helps me become a better person, he helps me realize who I am and what I want to be. Things have been going really well, and we are happy together. The future is up in the air, and it's hard to navigate the next couple of months, what with talk of China and all, but we'll cross those bridges when we come to them. Other good things: Friends! I love, love hanging out with my roommates. We've been trying to get together more this year, and trying to make the most our rapidly diminishing time here. We've been doing Wednesday night roommate dinners, which has been a blast, as well as becoming quite fluent in the film culture of America, due to the Finer Films Association of 22 S. Orchard. (I have now seen the Godfather, the Graduate, and the Rain Man. This might not be much to boast about, but it's more than I saw before.) It's great hanging out on the second floor with Jones and Katrina. Where would I be without them? Well, probably sleeping a lot more, for one thing ... : )
Another fun thing that has been happening is time home. It's been great. As hard as it sometimes is to get away on the weekends, it's been so nice to be able to come home for various celebrations. My family and I have gotten to celebrate the birth of my goddaughter, Hannah Lynn, as well as the life of my great-Grandmother, Evelyn Frega. We've also gotten to celebrate not just one but two amazing anniversaries. All in all, it's made me appreciate the family that I've had supporting me for all these years. It's so special to be able to look back on the people who've made me the person I've become, and the life that I've been brought up in. I'm certain that not many families have had anything quite like I have had, so all these gatherings have made me appreciate my blessings so much more. I just love my family so much!!
I could say more about my jobs (I'm working as a Writing Fellow and as an employee at Bean Sprouts - beansproutscafe.com - a healthy restaurant geared toward young families / little kids. It's way fun.) or about enjoying my last fall in Madison or about any number of other things, but it's time to catch up on the Office and make the most of my relaxing Thursday. Thanks for letting me be a part of your day!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
God Bless Americaaaa
For the record, I hate most patriotic songs. Call me anti-American, but I just think they're corny. I just couldn't think of a better title for this post.
Anyway, I would like to spend some time and write an actual post, but I need to find a job, so that is taking precedence. However, I came across something I wanted to share with you all quickly! My favorite author of all time, Don Miller, recently gave the benediction at the Democratic National Convention. Whatever your political affiliation, you should check out this video of his prayer. I found it to be very moving and beautiful, and it is my hope that this would be the prayer of all Christians, whomever we are voting for, in this momentous period in our nation's history.
Check it out! http://mikesingletary.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/donald-miller-gives-benediction-for-democratic-national-convention/
Anyway, I would like to spend some time and write an actual post, but I need to find a job, so that is taking precedence. However, I came across something I wanted to share with you all quickly! My favorite author of all time, Don Miller, recently gave the benediction at the Democratic National Convention. Whatever your political affiliation, you should check out this video of his prayer. I found it to be very moving and beautiful, and it is my hope that this would be the prayer of all Christians, whomever we are voting for, in this momentous period in our nation's history.
Check it out! http://mikesingletary.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/donald-miller-gives-benediction-for-democratic-national-convention/
Monday, August 04, 2008
Let Us Love ... Summer.
I miss Camp.
I miss Madison.
I miss my friends.
I even miss China, still.
But all in all, I think I'm pretty lucky that I love my life and experiences so much that it's sad for me to leave them. I love this summer!
I miss Madison.
I miss my friends.
I even miss China, still.
But all in all, I think I'm pretty lucky that I love my life and experiences so much that it's sad for me to leave them. I love this summer!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Auld Lang Syne
This summer is ... different.
It's not a bad thing, it just is. I mean, last year at this time, I had almost two full months at camp under my belt. Though it had been kind of a difficult summer, around this time last year, things couldn't have gotten much better. Everything was just amazing. The sixth through eighth grade week was awesome: Kristen was up at camp, I was on ropes and photography, it was Christmas in July. Then the weekend came: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix came out on the big screen, and a posse of us made the pilgrimage to Oshkosh in order to cheer on Harry. And then we polished off the night by grilling out atop the disc golf course at camp. Then came Jr. Staff camp: There was very little actual work there, unless you count dominating canoe races as work (just one of the many things I get paid to do ...). And then Jones, Werner, and I drove to MLC, and continued on to flippin' South Dakota. Some of the best days of my life. And then ... staff retreat. And the glorious release of the 7th HP. And everything was just so picturesque and unforgettable.
I remember '06 being somehow similar. I had a really great sixth through eighth cabin, and then there was Night Owl Camp, where lots of strange things happened at 4am and Chrissy and I slept in the basement of the AB every night. And then we went on a road trip to Michigan and it was a really good time with some of the older staff. For whatever reason, things always just fell into place whenever I realized that camp was already half over. Life started happening, things became exciting and funny and wonderful.
But this year is different. Perhaps it's because I haven't been breaking my neck this summer: I mean, I've only actually been on camp property for about 10 days. There hasn't been that element of difficulty to the summer. In fact, my job doing Day Camp has been rather easy. I haven't settled into camp. Rather, I get re-acquainted with some of it's beauty every weekend. I haven't made all these incredible relationships. Instead, I've stayed in my comfort zone and enjoyed time with old friends. This summer has been great, it really has, but camp hasn't seeped into my blood and it hasn't been challenging. Maybe I should be glad for that, but maybe without the low of the challenge you can't experience the high of rest and relaxation as much.
Nothing has been the same this summer, which is something that I knew would happen going into it. Relationships are different, positions are different, duties are different. I'm different. I'm not this timid little first-year trying to figure stuff out for the first time. Suddenly, I'm out on my own and in charge and making decisions for not only myself, but for other people. It's fun and I love it, but sometimes I miss being in that stage of wobbly-tottering. It's fun to have a clearer picture of who I am in this world, but not until now did I realize how much it took for me to get here. I didn't appreciate the struggles or the challenges then, but as I look back now, I realize that was part of the fun of summer. That was part of what makes camp great, the toughness of growing up mingled with the joys of little successes and bonding with others who are going through the same things as you.
This post is a bit too abstract and nonsensical, but I guess I am just in that good old post-camp state of contemplation; as soon as I leave, I'm always pondering what makes it so great and how it has changed me. I suppose all I can do is take this summer on its own terms, and be grateful for the days of auld lang syne.
It's not a bad thing, it just is. I mean, last year at this time, I had almost two full months at camp under my belt. Though it had been kind of a difficult summer, around this time last year, things couldn't have gotten much better. Everything was just amazing. The sixth through eighth grade week was awesome: Kristen was up at camp, I was on ropes and photography, it was Christmas in July. Then the weekend came: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix came out on the big screen, and a posse of us made the pilgrimage to Oshkosh in order to cheer on Harry. And then we polished off the night by grilling out atop the disc golf course at camp. Then came Jr. Staff camp: There was very little actual work there, unless you count dominating canoe races as work (just one of the many things I get paid to do ...). And then Jones, Werner, and I drove to MLC, and continued on to flippin' South Dakota. Some of the best days of my life. And then ... staff retreat. And the glorious release of the 7th HP. And everything was just so picturesque and unforgettable.
I remember '06 being somehow similar. I had a really great sixth through eighth cabin, and then there was Night Owl Camp, where lots of strange things happened at 4am and Chrissy and I slept in the basement of the AB every night. And then we went on a road trip to Michigan and it was a really good time with some of the older staff. For whatever reason, things always just fell into place whenever I realized that camp was already half over. Life started happening, things became exciting and funny and wonderful.
But this year is different. Perhaps it's because I haven't been breaking my neck this summer: I mean, I've only actually been on camp property for about 10 days. There hasn't been that element of difficulty to the summer. In fact, my job doing Day Camp has been rather easy. I haven't settled into camp. Rather, I get re-acquainted with some of it's beauty every weekend. I haven't made all these incredible relationships. Instead, I've stayed in my comfort zone and enjoyed time with old friends. This summer has been great, it really has, but camp hasn't seeped into my blood and it hasn't been challenging. Maybe I should be glad for that, but maybe without the low of the challenge you can't experience the high of rest and relaxation as much.
Nothing has been the same this summer, which is something that I knew would happen going into it. Relationships are different, positions are different, duties are different. I'm different. I'm not this timid little first-year trying to figure stuff out for the first time. Suddenly, I'm out on my own and in charge and making decisions for not only myself, but for other people. It's fun and I love it, but sometimes I miss being in that stage of wobbly-tottering. It's fun to have a clearer picture of who I am in this world, but not until now did I realize how much it took for me to get here. I didn't appreciate the struggles or the challenges then, but as I look back now, I realize that was part of the fun of summer. That was part of what makes camp great, the toughness of growing up mingled with the joys of little successes and bonding with others who are going through the same things as you.
This post is a bit too abstract and nonsensical, but I guess I am just in that good old post-camp state of contemplation; as soon as I leave, I'm always pondering what makes it so great and how it has changed me. I suppose all I can do is take this summer on its own terms, and be grateful for the days of auld lang syne.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Where Do I Live?!
Hey folks,
So, I've just returned from China a few days ago, something that would take up about all of the bandwidth on the internet where I to detail some of my adventures there. In essence, the experience was probably the most amazing of my life. Retrospectively, we all learned a lot. We all learned a lot about ourselves and how we can better respond to unfamiliar situations, or things that don't go our way. We learned a lot about each other, and the infinite value of good friends. We learned a lot about what it means to go to the extra mile for a companion, and the beauty of sharing your life with other human beings. We also learned a lot about "stuff," and why it doesn't really matter. The real value is in experiences and loving each other - aside from these things, you don't need much more than what you can carry on your back! (Which is not much ...)
It is good to be home. A little surreal, actually, to be sitting on my couch, to be enjoying the sounds and smells of summer in New Berlin. It doesn't seem like just a week ago I was bartering for a painting in Chinese and embarking on my last overnight train ... What change can come in just a week! What a different world.
And today, I shall be in yet another world: Camp. I can't believe it came. I can't believe I'm returning, aganist all odds, for a third summer. I don't think I'll believe it until I'm actually there. I'm a little sick just thinking about it, just thinking about how grossly unprepared I am for the next eight weeks of my life. I mean, as far as jobs go, it will be stellar. I get paid to hang out with little kids and eat lots of homemade food. Um, score. (Especially after some of the "delicacies" of China, some good American cookin' is just what I want!) That said, it's a completely different world than I just came from. Small town Wisconsin is so different from small town China ...
Or is it?
Maybe, the things I appreicated so much about China - friends, conversation, experiences, growth - are some of the very things I appreciate about Camp as well. These things pervade Christian circles everywhere, and I am thankful to know that wherever I go, these virtues and blessings will follow.
Hm. Maybe I can handle this. Maybe I just needed to talk it out.
Well, we'll see how it goes! I'm excited to keep you all posted! There's been a dry spell in the blog, but maybe it'll see some new life this summer.
So, I've just returned from China a few days ago, something that would take up about all of the bandwidth on the internet where I to detail some of my adventures there. In essence, the experience was probably the most amazing of my life. Retrospectively, we all learned a lot. We all learned a lot about ourselves and how we can better respond to unfamiliar situations, or things that don't go our way. We learned a lot about each other, and the infinite value of good friends. We learned a lot about what it means to go to the extra mile for a companion, and the beauty of sharing your life with other human beings. We also learned a lot about "stuff," and why it doesn't really matter. The real value is in experiences and loving each other - aside from these things, you don't need much more than what you can carry on your back! (Which is not much ...)
It is good to be home. A little surreal, actually, to be sitting on my couch, to be enjoying the sounds and smells of summer in New Berlin. It doesn't seem like just a week ago I was bartering for a painting in Chinese and embarking on my last overnight train ... What change can come in just a week! What a different world.
And today, I shall be in yet another world: Camp. I can't believe it came. I can't believe I'm returning, aganist all odds, for a third summer. I don't think I'll believe it until I'm actually there. I'm a little sick just thinking about it, just thinking about how grossly unprepared I am for the next eight weeks of my life. I mean, as far as jobs go, it will be stellar. I get paid to hang out with little kids and eat lots of homemade food. Um, score. (Especially after some of the "delicacies" of China, some good American cookin' is just what I want!) That said, it's a completely different world than I just came from. Small town Wisconsin is so different from small town China ...
Or is it?
Maybe, the things I appreicated so much about China - friends, conversation, experiences, growth - are some of the very things I appreciate about Camp as well. These things pervade Christian circles everywhere, and I am thankful to know that wherever I go, these virtues and blessings will follow.
Hm. Maybe I can handle this. Maybe I just needed to talk it out.
Well, we'll see how it goes! I'm excited to keep you all posted! There's been a dry spell in the blog, but maybe it'll see some new life this summer.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Prepare for Take-Off ...
I have not written in this thing in months, and yet I decide that now, at 5:20 am before I leave Madison at 7:00, is a good time to update my blog.
I was weirded out today that it has finally come. Everything all culminated up to this. My entire semester of blood, sweat, and tears was all leading up to this plane right and all that follows after it. Planning for China got the best of me, many times. There was so much more planning than I ever anticipated. I'll give it to you straight, I'm nervous. In the end, though, I think I'll come out a stronger, more flexible person. I'm excited for adventures!!
What a long semester. I'm glad it's over, but I can't seem to enjoy the fact that I have three weeks of liberty ... This is a different kind of liberty, I suppose.
My thoughts are not even worth writing at this point, as I have been up for far too long today/yesterday ... so I'm going to call it quits.
I love you all and can't wait to come back with many stories!!
I was weirded out today that it has finally come. Everything all culminated up to this. My entire semester of blood, sweat, and tears was all leading up to this plane right and all that follows after it. Planning for China got the best of me, many times. There was so much more planning than I ever anticipated. I'll give it to you straight, I'm nervous. In the end, though, I think I'll come out a stronger, more flexible person. I'm excited for adventures!!
What a long semester. I'm glad it's over, but I can't seem to enjoy the fact that I have three weeks of liberty ... This is a different kind of liberty, I suppose.
My thoughts are not even worth writing at this point, as I have been up for far too long today/yesterday ... so I'm going to call it quits.
I love you all and can't wait to come back with many stories!!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Guns, Dogs, and Sweet Tea
South Carolina. Where do I begin??
Let me explain how I got here. I'm on what we WELSers call a "TCW Trip," or, a "Travel, Canvass, Witness" trip. These are for college students, and they take place all around the country around scchool break times. What happens is a team of about four kids signs up to go to some congregation that needs their help; perhaps they will host a day camp around Christmas time, or do a Vacation Bible School in the summer, or help the church advertise for an upcoming event; it really varies depending on the church's situation. WELS Kingdom Workers pays for all travel expenses, and the church is responsible for making sure we get fed and boarded for the week. It's a nice way to meet some great families, see how things are done in other churches, see another (warmer) part of the country, and serve the Lord. I've always wanted to go on one, so I finally took the chance this Spring Break. A group of Camp Phillipites from Madison banded together (me, Leah Schlect, Kayla Stone, and Sarah Jones) and the WELS Chapel on campus found us a place in Summerville, SC. Awesome. We were all set.
We left Madison on Friday, braved Chicago traffic to spend a night in a hotel near O'Hare, and traveled for far too many hours on very weird connections to make it to Charleston in the evening on Saturday. We were picked up by a nice Southern lady named Daphne (of course), who fed us and gave us a place to sleep for the night. Awesome. We did the whole church thing on Sunday, and then we had to part company: two of the girls (Jones and Leah) stayed with Daphne, and the coin toss told us that Kayla and I would stay with a lady whom we hadn't met, Marlene. Well, Marlene is an older lady who moved down South in her retirement. (I could tell you probably two hours worth of stories on Marlene alone. She is pretty much the greatest lady ever. I'll just say that we call her house "Hotel Marlene.") She's on her own and quite independent, and she actually took all four of us for the day. We lounged around at a park, basking in the spring weather until we made our way back to Daphne's for a large get-together. Daphne made a Southern dish called Frogmore Stew. Luckily, there were not actually "more frogs" in this dish, but it did contain a lot of veggies and various kinds of meat. Strange? Yes. Good? Also yes. We got to hang out with the Pastor, Vicor, and their families, as well as Daphne's grown daughter and her little daughter. All told, there were 7 children in attendence. Children are cute, but also loud and sticky. I hope you are all aware of this.
When we started working on Monday, things weren't too bad. Our job is to canvass, but before we could do that, we had to stuff 3,000 door hangers full with information about the church and the new school and an invite to Easter services. So, we spent all the morning and part of the afternoon filling bags till we were all a bit batty and I began to worry about what effects carpeltunnel syndrome would have on my future life. We didn't finish, but we started canvassing later in the day anyway. We only went for maybe one and a half or two hours, just hanging stuff on people's doors and talking to them if they happened to be outside. For the most part, people were quite friendly; even if they weren't interested, they politely declined. One guy, however, threatened to release his dog on Vicor Joe, our fearless leader. Really? He's wearing kahakis ... he's probably the least threatening person I've ever met.
Monday was not bad, but Tuesday and Wednesday, however, were kind of like ... walking down the steps of hell, or something to that effect. Quite honestly, they were horrible. Absolutely. Horrible. Vicor Joe (and the infamous coin toss that decides everything on this trip) chose Kayla and I to go out with him in the morning, while the other two continued stuffing door hangers. So, we went out from about 10:00a till 1:00p. By the time we came back for lunch, we were already pretty beat. I mean, three hours is kind of a lot of walking, and when you consider that you can easily walk a mile in 15 minutes, so that's about four an hour ... times three ... well, you do the math. After lunch, we simply added to our numbers: All five of us canvassed from around 2:00 till 6:00. Four more hours, at least ten more miles. The highlight of the day was walking up to a guy, getting sniffed up by his suspicious rotweiler, and then coming to the realization that he had been cleaning his gun the whole time he talked to me ... Doesn't anyone in the South own a dog that doesn't look it wants to take a bite out of my nearest extremity? Doesn't anyone enjoy, say, a rousing game of ... oh, I don't know ... tennis? Or another non-deadly hobby?
By the end of the day, we were hobbling from aches, blisters, migraines, whatever ... But, this amazing couple named James and Sarah had offered to feed us that night, (and crash their house, and sit in their hottub ... yeah, amazing.) But after dinner / hottub, we ended up just sitting in their rec room watching DVD's of The Office. We were so tired and worn out that literally nothing besides sitting on a couch seemed fun ... Oh. My. God. We were supposed to do this all week?
Tuesday (or, as I like to call it, Black Tuesday) rolled around. We had been told the other girls would go out in the morning, while Kayla and I worked on the flyers. But I had a dream (i.e., a nightmare) that we would all have to go out all day. I should really consider getting a degree in prophecy, for this is what came to pas: All five of us canvassed from 9:00 to 5:30, with about an hour break for lunch in between. Three neighborhoods. Every door.
You know, I'm a really happy person. I have a really good life. But that day, I hated not only every doorstep that I walked up to, but pretty much everything about my own existence. I had blisters the size of my toes on my toes. Every time I stepped, spasms of pain would go from the balls of my feet to the top of my hips. All of us cried at some point during the day, even Hard-As-Nails-Sarah-Jones, who has the highest pain tolerance out of anyone I know, including my sisters. (I'm sure Joe cried too, he's just much too manly to show it. But I know he did.) There were moments of complete despair. I thought wildly: How can I get out of here? Could I get to the airport sometime today? How much would it cost to change my flight? I'll do it. I swear. I'll do it ... Or, I could just lay here. Yes, I could sleep on this grass. Oh no. What about the dogs? And the men with guns? ... And it might rain. What about that? If I got cold at night, I could call a taxi. Yeah. They could take me to a hotel. I would hardly have to walk. They could pick me up right at this corner. Would Marlene pick me up? I bet she'd let me stay at her house. Yeah, she'd let me. She wouldn't tell Pastor. Or maybe dad could send someone. Dad loves me. He'd come and get me ... What's a good illness to fake? Dysentry? Cholera? No, no, I don't know the symptoms ... Perhaps appendicitis? All I would have to do is moan and clutch my stomach ...
The highlight of my day? Hearing Jones cry out: "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani!" = "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
You know, you'd have to be cut from the same mold as say, Hitler to not have pity on us. We are all honest, hard-working, grin-through-things-you-don't-really-want-to-do kind of girls ... but walking 40 miles in two days will mess you up a little bit. So praise God, Pastor did have pity on us when he saw us come back for dinner. He even gave us the day off today, a day which we whiled away oh-so-happily at the beach (!!!), with Vicor and his super cute wife and their four little boys: It was truly lovely.
So tomorrow, I will walk another 20 miles ... with sunburn.
Let me explain how I got here. I'm on what we WELSers call a "TCW Trip," or, a "Travel, Canvass, Witness" trip. These are for college students, and they take place all around the country around scchool break times. What happens is a team of about four kids signs up to go to some congregation that needs their help; perhaps they will host a day camp around Christmas time, or do a Vacation Bible School in the summer, or help the church advertise for an upcoming event; it really varies depending on the church's situation. WELS Kingdom Workers pays for all travel expenses, and the church is responsible for making sure we get fed and boarded for the week. It's a nice way to meet some great families, see how things are done in other churches, see another (warmer) part of the country, and serve the Lord. I've always wanted to go on one, so I finally took the chance this Spring Break. A group of Camp Phillipites from Madison banded together (me, Leah Schlect, Kayla Stone, and Sarah Jones) and the WELS Chapel on campus found us a place in Summerville, SC. Awesome. We were all set.
We left Madison on Friday, braved Chicago traffic to spend a night in a hotel near O'Hare, and traveled for far too many hours on very weird connections to make it to Charleston in the evening on Saturday. We were picked up by a nice Southern lady named Daphne (of course), who fed us and gave us a place to sleep for the night. Awesome. We did the whole church thing on Sunday, and then we had to part company: two of the girls (Jones and Leah) stayed with Daphne, and the coin toss told us that Kayla and I would stay with a lady whom we hadn't met, Marlene. Well, Marlene is an older lady who moved down South in her retirement. (I could tell you probably two hours worth of stories on Marlene alone. She is pretty much the greatest lady ever. I'll just say that we call her house "Hotel Marlene.") She's on her own and quite independent, and she actually took all four of us for the day. We lounged around at a park, basking in the spring weather until we made our way back to Daphne's for a large get-together. Daphne made a Southern dish called Frogmore Stew. Luckily, there were not actually "more frogs" in this dish, but it did contain a lot of veggies and various kinds of meat. Strange? Yes. Good? Also yes. We got to hang out with the Pastor, Vicor, and their families, as well as Daphne's grown daughter and her little daughter. All told, there were 7 children in attendence. Children are cute, but also loud and sticky. I hope you are all aware of this.
When we started working on Monday, things weren't too bad. Our job is to canvass, but before we could do that, we had to stuff 3,000 door hangers full with information about the church and the new school and an invite to Easter services. So, we spent all the morning and part of the afternoon filling bags till we were all a bit batty and I began to worry about what effects carpeltunnel syndrome would have on my future life. We didn't finish, but we started canvassing later in the day anyway. We only went for maybe one and a half or two hours, just hanging stuff on people's doors and talking to them if they happened to be outside. For the most part, people were quite friendly; even if they weren't interested, they politely declined. One guy, however, threatened to release his dog on Vicor Joe, our fearless leader. Really? He's wearing kahakis ... he's probably the least threatening person I've ever met.
Monday was not bad, but Tuesday and Wednesday, however, were kind of like ... walking down the steps of hell, or something to that effect. Quite honestly, they were horrible. Absolutely. Horrible. Vicor Joe (and the infamous coin toss that decides everything on this trip) chose Kayla and I to go out with him in the morning, while the other two continued stuffing door hangers. So, we went out from about 10:00a till 1:00p. By the time we came back for lunch, we were already pretty beat. I mean, three hours is kind of a lot of walking, and when you consider that you can easily walk a mile in 15 minutes, so that's about four an hour ... times three ... well, you do the math. After lunch, we simply added to our numbers: All five of us canvassed from around 2:00 till 6:00. Four more hours, at least ten more miles. The highlight of the day was walking up to a guy, getting sniffed up by his suspicious rotweiler, and then coming to the realization that he had been cleaning his gun the whole time he talked to me ... Doesn't anyone in the South own a dog that doesn't look it wants to take a bite out of my nearest extremity? Doesn't anyone enjoy, say, a rousing game of ... oh, I don't know ... tennis? Or another non-deadly hobby?
By the end of the day, we were hobbling from aches, blisters, migraines, whatever ... But, this amazing couple named James and Sarah had offered to feed us that night, (and crash their house, and sit in their hottub ... yeah, amazing.) But after dinner / hottub, we ended up just sitting in their rec room watching DVD's of The Office. We were so tired and worn out that literally nothing besides sitting on a couch seemed fun ... Oh. My. God. We were supposed to do this all week?
Tuesday (or, as I like to call it, Black Tuesday) rolled around. We had been told the other girls would go out in the morning, while Kayla and I worked on the flyers. But I had a dream (i.e., a nightmare) that we would all have to go out all day. I should really consider getting a degree in prophecy, for this is what came to pas: All five of us canvassed from 9:00 to 5:30, with about an hour break for lunch in between. Three neighborhoods. Every door.
You know, I'm a really happy person. I have a really good life. But that day, I hated not only every doorstep that I walked up to, but pretty much everything about my own existence. I had blisters the size of my toes on my toes. Every time I stepped, spasms of pain would go from the balls of my feet to the top of my hips. All of us cried at some point during the day, even Hard-As-Nails-Sarah-Jones, who has the highest pain tolerance out of anyone I know, including my sisters. (I'm sure Joe cried too, he's just much too manly to show it. But I know he did.) There were moments of complete despair. I thought wildly: How can I get out of here? Could I get to the airport sometime today? How much would it cost to change my flight? I'll do it. I swear. I'll do it ... Or, I could just lay here. Yes, I could sleep on this grass. Oh no. What about the dogs? And the men with guns? ... And it might rain. What about that? If I got cold at night, I could call a taxi. Yeah. They could take me to a hotel. I would hardly have to walk. They could pick me up right at this corner. Would Marlene pick me up? I bet she'd let me stay at her house. Yeah, she'd let me. She wouldn't tell Pastor. Or maybe dad could send someone. Dad loves me. He'd come and get me ... What's a good illness to fake? Dysentry? Cholera? No, no, I don't know the symptoms ... Perhaps appendicitis? All I would have to do is moan and clutch my stomach ...
The highlight of my day? Hearing Jones cry out: "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani!" = "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
You know, you'd have to be cut from the same mold as say, Hitler to not have pity on us. We are all honest, hard-working, grin-through-things-you-don't-really-want-to-do kind of girls ... but walking 40 miles in two days will mess you up a little bit. So praise God, Pastor did have pity on us when he saw us come back for dinner. He even gave us the day off today, a day which we whiled away oh-so-happily at the beach (!!!), with Vicor and his super cute wife and their four little boys: It was truly lovely.
So tomorrow, I will walk another 20 miles ... with sunburn.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
The End of an Era
You know, it really shouldn't matter. So, a man who throws around a ball for a living decides not to anymore. And this decision cripples a state. It crippled me, for awhile. I actually teared up when I read the news. For awhile, I couldn't think about anything else. It might be a little pathetic, and it shouldn't matter ... but it does. It matters because we're not just saying goodbye to a quarterback - we're saying goodbye to a piece of our own personal histories as well. To me and to many others, Brett Favre is more than just a great player who imbued this great state's team with a glory that it hadn't seen in years. Rather, he symbolizes a way of life that others just might not understand, a way of life that I am sad to see go.
For 17 years of my life, I got to experience coming home from church on Sunday mornings, putting on sweat pants, making some hot chocolate, maybe eating some hot ham, and laying around to watch "the game." Mom would tune in and out, running around with baskets of laundry, Dad would celebrate with Lady when there was a good play, (in between building shelves, if it happened to be 1995), and Jen would probably be jumping up and down or making loud squealing noises if there was a nail-biting pass ... I got to grow up during the years of the Cheesehead and the Packerana and the origins of the Lambeau Leap. I was present at the Superbowl party where we all watched Brett and Reggie and Freeman and Brooks and all the others take on those slimy Pats (and watched some crazy kids run around the house barefoot in January with every touchdown). I remember the miserably hot and cold games in Green Bay, cheering from the stands and reveling in the fact that I was standing in the midst of greatness ... Losing Brett Favre is more than just the end of an era for a football team, it's the end of an era in our own lives as well.
I never really thought this day would come, and I never really appreciated all that the Brett and the Pack brought to all our lives. Because of him, we share this common history, this memory of a time when we had smiles brought to our faces every time we saw a child-like man complete an impossible Hail Mary, or wiggle out of an inescapable sack (only to proceed to block for another player), or sneak the ball into spaces that were undetectable to mere mortals. I really feel lucky to have witnessed all this, but it's sad to see something so good come to an end.
For 17 years of my life, I got to experience coming home from church on Sunday mornings, putting on sweat pants, making some hot chocolate, maybe eating some hot ham, and laying around to watch "the game." Mom would tune in and out, running around with baskets of laundry, Dad would celebrate with Lady when there was a good play, (in between building shelves, if it happened to be 1995), and Jen would probably be jumping up and down or making loud squealing noises if there was a nail-biting pass ... I got to grow up during the years of the Cheesehead and the Packerana and the origins of the Lambeau Leap. I was present at the Superbowl party where we all watched Brett and Reggie and Freeman and Brooks and all the others take on those slimy Pats (and watched some crazy kids run around the house barefoot in January with every touchdown). I remember the miserably hot and cold games in Green Bay, cheering from the stands and reveling in the fact that I was standing in the midst of greatness ... Losing Brett Favre is more than just the end of an era for a football team, it's the end of an era in our own lives as well.
I never really thought this day would come, and I never really appreciated all that the Brett and the Pack brought to all our lives. Because of him, we share this common history, this memory of a time when we had smiles brought to our faces every time we saw a child-like man complete an impossible Hail Mary, or wiggle out of an inescapable sack (only to proceed to block for another player), or sneak the ball into spaces that were undetectable to mere mortals. I really feel lucky to have witnessed all this, but it's sad to see something so good come to an end.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Yay! I'm 21!
It's my birthday!
Not for much longer, but it was good while it lasted!
The festivities began with a shot of Tequila at midnight (ridiculous!), and the day dawned bright and sunny, without snow!, which I loved a LOT!
There was Patient Appreciation Day at the chiropractor's where food was served and decorations were put up (Kayla said it was because they knew it was my birthday, but just gave it a general title so as not to offend other patients).
There were lots of hilarious and touching messages from friends and family: People from all over the world sent their love! I even got to talk with Chrissy in South Africa, and got an email from a friend in India!
I got to nap in front of a warm fire at the Chapel (unintentional, but wonderful nonetheless).
Jones and Kayla and I went out to Pedro's for dinner. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my ID. Yes, folks, I finally get to use an ID, and nope, don't have it. Well, the waitress rocked and brought me a margarita anyway. (It had nothing on the chips and guac, though.)
All in all, it was a normal day. There were classes and papers (still unwritten) and those damn Asian Beatles (seriously infesting my room again?!) but really, it was nice. It was nice to just relax and bask in the love of friends and family. Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes - I'm thankful for you, and for the wonderful years of the past, and I'm looking forward to another good year ahead!
Not for much longer, but it was good while it lasted!
The festivities began with a shot of Tequila at midnight (ridiculous!), and the day dawned bright and sunny, without snow!, which I loved a LOT!
There was Patient Appreciation Day at the chiropractor's where food was served and decorations were put up (Kayla said it was because they knew it was my birthday, but just gave it a general title so as not to offend other patients).
There were lots of hilarious and touching messages from friends and family: People from all over the world sent their love! I even got to talk with Chrissy in South Africa, and got an email from a friend in India!
I got to nap in front of a warm fire at the Chapel (unintentional, but wonderful nonetheless).
Jones and Kayla and I went out to Pedro's for dinner. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my ID. Yes, folks, I finally get to use an ID, and nope, don't have it. Well, the waitress rocked and brought me a margarita anyway. (It had nothing on the chips and guac, though.)
All in all, it was a normal day. There were classes and papers (still unwritten) and those damn Asian Beatles (seriously infesting my room again?!) but really, it was nice. It was nice to just relax and bask in the love of friends and family. Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes - I'm thankful for you, and for the wonderful years of the past, and I'm looking forward to another good year ahead!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Enough with the "AHHHH"'s
In the past few weeks, I've had enough scream-inducing phone calls to last me a few years.
First, I find out Tracy's wedding had been moved, because Doug is being deployed. Scream 1.
Then, I find out Laura, a good friend from high school, got engaged. Scream 2.
Then, I find out my big sister and brother-in-law are pregnant. BIG Scream 3.
I'm really trying to let these things not consume ME too much, because they're not about ME. They're amazing things that are happening to other people. But when your best friend gets married and you find out your sister is pregnant on the same day, it'll freak you out a bit. As much as these things are about other people, they have effects on my life as well. What will it be like to have a baby gurgling around at home? To have Tracy at a totally different stage in her life? Lately, people just seem to be getting up and moving out and moving on ... and it's just weird to have the world moving so fast around me. I'm not really sure how to "process" it all.
When did things start changing so quickly?
First, I find out Tracy's wedding had been moved, because Doug is being deployed. Scream 1.
Then, I find out Laura, a good friend from high school, got engaged. Scream 2.
Then, I find out my big sister and brother-in-law are pregnant. BIG Scream 3.
I'm really trying to let these things not consume ME too much, because they're not about ME. They're amazing things that are happening to other people. But when your best friend gets married and you find out your sister is pregnant on the same day, it'll freak you out a bit. As much as these things are about other people, they have effects on my life as well. What will it be like to have a baby gurgling around at home? To have Tracy at a totally different stage in her life? Lately, people just seem to be getting up and moving out and moving on ... and it's just weird to have the world moving so fast around me. I'm not really sure how to "process" it all.
When did things start changing so quickly?
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Super (Tired) Tuesday
So, I haven't updated in a long time. And mostly it's because I a) Don't have time and b) Am too exhausted when I do. Tonight, I am battling situations a and b, which doesn't even make sense because they are contradictory statements.
I am so excited to go home and temporarily suspend my perpetual state of anxiety by sitting on the couch, playing with Izzy, watching Amazing Race, eating gobs of birthday cake, and celebrating with my family. SO EXCITED.
And, Spring Break is in like a month. Which is great. I've never been more pumped.
In other news, I've recently developed a habit of compulsively checking flight prices when I have a brain fart from writing. I guess it's better than compulsively checking Facebook, but it's a helluva lot more expensive ...
In other Other news, I have decided to write a senior thesis, if I can get some easily influenced professor to be my adviser. This is actually rather tricky, as I have not "schmoozed" professors as a good college kid should. We'll see how it goes.
And that should just about fill you in on my life. There is nothing new to report aside from the fact that I am now well-versed in Chaucer, Wordsworth, Keats, Coleridge, Beowulf, child psychology, and the book of Exodus.
I must go now, so that I may memorize the first 20 lines of the Canterbury Tales in order to recite them. Seriously, have YOU ever memorized Olde English? I swear, it's not even a language.
I am so excited to go home and temporarily suspend my perpetual state of anxiety by sitting on the couch, playing with Izzy, watching Amazing Race, eating gobs of birthday cake, and celebrating with my family. SO EXCITED.
And, Spring Break is in like a month. Which is great. I've never been more pumped.
In other news, I've recently developed a habit of compulsively checking flight prices when I have a brain fart from writing. I guess it's better than compulsively checking Facebook, but it's a helluva lot more expensive ...
In other Other news, I have decided to write a senior thesis, if I can get some easily influenced professor to be my adviser. This is actually rather tricky, as I have not "schmoozed" professors as a good college kid should. We'll see how it goes.
And that should just about fill you in on my life. There is nothing new to report aside from the fact that I am now well-versed in Chaucer, Wordsworth, Keats, Coleridge, Beowulf, child psychology, and the book of Exodus.
I must go now, so that I may memorize the first 20 lines of the Canterbury Tales in order to recite them. Seriously, have YOU ever memorized Olde English? I swear, it's not even a language.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
2007: Revisited
Everywhere you look, you'll find signs of the times: after-Christmas sales, year-end closeouts, the debate over Time's Person of the Year (hopefully this year's won't be a joke like last year's), the best and worst dressed ... it's all rather silly, but, we're humans. We like reflecting. We like knowing where we come from, and where we're headed in the future.
You know, the news will talk about the big stuff (or the completely obnoxious stuff - frankly, I could care less what Britney Spears did this year ...). But those stories come and go, and will have little importance in our lives in a few weeks. The things that remain close to our hearts, though, are the things that happen to us. The small victories, the happy memories. I thought I'd take a few moments to reflect upon some of the things that happened in my own life. Let the countdown, begin!
January:
February:
April:
May:
June:
July:
August:
October:
November:
December:
In this year, I traveled through or visited 16 places: Illinois and Missouri; Illinois again (what a pity), Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia (very briefly, I believe), Maryland, and D.C.; Florida; Utah; Massachusetts; Minnesota and South Dakota; the UP and Canada; Louisiana; and Minnesota again, a few times, for good measure. I had never been to 10 of them, so that is very cool for me.
I read some amazing books: The Ragamuffin Gospel, Through Painted Deserts, Harry Potter, Velvet Elvis, A Severe Mercy, Searching for God Knows What ... there are more, but those were some of the more life-changing ones. Really. Books change lives.
I had made such incredible memories with my friends, whether we were taking on the world or sitting on the couch, doing everything or doing nothing at all. Camp friends, high school friends, college friends ... how blessed am I!?
Despite being gone so much, I was able to spend time with my family this year. Vacations and time home, seeing new sights and keeping old traditions. It's really quite beautiful, and again, I am so blessed. I certainly don't deserve the life or the loved ones that I have, but God is so incredibly gracious.
And, through all this, I think God has brought me into a deeper relationship with Him. Yeah, I suck. I screw up all the freakin' time. I hurt the people that He's brought into my life, I worry about stupid things, and I don't always make time with Him the priority that they should be. And yet, He has taught me a lot about loving people - and therefore, a lot about what it means to follow Him. I can't begin to imagine what 2008 will have in store, but if it's half as good as what I've known, I'll be blessed indeed.
The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.
Ecclesiastes 1:5
You know, the news will talk about the big stuff (or the completely obnoxious stuff - frankly, I could care less what Britney Spears did this year ...). But those stories come and go, and will have little importance in our lives in a few weeks. The things that remain close to our hearts, though, are the things that happen to us. The small victories, the happy memories. I thought I'd take a few moments to reflect upon some of the things that happened in my own life. Let the countdown, begin!
January:
- Kick off the New Year in St. Louis, MO at the Urbana Missions Conference, ringing it in with worship and prayer with close college friends (Supporting the "W" Movement - Whatever, Whenever, Wherever ... For Jesus!)
- Spend break driving around in my "sweet new ride" and watching a lot of LOST and Lord of the Rings with my camp loves
- Have an amazing dinner party with the Euchre Crew, some of the greatest people EVER
- Get hired for SALT Staff at Camp Phillip for a second summer
- Take my first ever impromptu cross-country road trip to our nation's capital! (This was huge, guys. Huge. As Jones and I like to say, "A Formative Experience.")
February:
- Turn the Big 2-0! (And was kind of depressed about if for awhile. I got over it. Jones' Brownie / Cigar cake really helped.)
- Deal with crazy-awful Theory class and want to bash my brains out
- Get lost in a parking garage
- I get my lost duffel bag back from a Maryland Police Department!
- Get snowed in ...
- Take a mini-vacay in Naples, FL to relax with the fam and celebrate Jen's birthday
April:- Get sick of school and change my major to Comm Arts. Does this surprise you?
- Try my hand at skiing at the Canyons in Park City, UT with Tracy, the whole fam, AND Chuck Norris ...
- ... and continue the best Spring Break of my life by visiting Chrissy in Boston along with other Camp girls (shown below after completing the entire Freedom Trail!)
May:- Help host another excellent dinner party, this time for my roommate Shanti's 20th ... but then had to say goodbye to my amazing apartment : (
- Dominate final papers and exams
- Go on a hardcore camping and canoing trip with the high school girls to the Kickapoo River Valley
- Kick off Summer '07 at Camp Phillip! We're RUNNING WILD ... "I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free." (Ps. 119:32)
June:- The summer trucks along - Ropes Course Training, SALT Staff Training (seen below at the SALT Opening Banquet), Jr. Staff Training, Family Fest ... and finally, finally campers!
July:- Find out about Tracy's engagement - AND become her Maid of Honor!
- Spend some time at home: Relax with friends and family, head to Chicago for the 4th of July, and attend Summerfest
- Hang out at the Ropes Course and play camp photographer for a few weeks on Program Staff - and enjoy Kristen's company during her time on Jr. Staff (Below: Me playing photographer, Kristen on Ropes)
- Fake counsel a Teen Camp for a half week, and then take a 36 hour road-trip to freaking New Ulm, MN and Rapid City, SD ... Mt. Rushmore or Bust!
- Revel in the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the most anticipated book to ever find its way into my hands. Finishing the series was DEFINITELY one of the highlights of the year! (Seen below at the Midnight Release Party in Steven's Point)
August:- Have an insanely fun Outdoor Adventure Cabin - go climbing at Devil's Lake, celebrate Hippie Wednesday, AND build a raft
- Get dominated in a all-staff mud-fight ... we don't need any more pictures of that floating around the internet ...
- Spend one exceptional week in Jackson, WI for Day Camp
- Say goodbye to Camp : (
- Road-trip to Marquette, MI and Ontario, Canada for one last hurrah with Camp friends - we camp, we kayak, we climb around on rocks, we drive (a lot), and we jump off sand dunes. Good times.
- Move into a new house in Madison!
- Spend endless hours fixing a new house in Madison! (Seen below giving up valuable lung tissue to evil caulk ...)
- Start classes ... again ... and switch my major ... again - back to English!
- By God's grace, Grandpa Johnson gets a second lease on life
- Have an AMAZING Camp reunion in Madison for the Iowa / Badger game. Who games a damn about the whole state of Iowa?!
- Head back up to Wautoma for a smashing good Pirate themed Teen Retreat ... yarr!
October:- Venture down to Shreveport, LA to visit Doug in the Air Force with Tracy and Ann. A non-Camp adventure?! SHOCKING.
- Witness another Packer victory at Lambeau with the family
- Celebrate the marriage of Elliott and Karen Kasprzak with - you guessed it! - Camp folk
November:- Have an amazing urban ministry experience in the Twin Cities
- Take another trip to the Twin Cities a two weeks later to cheer on the Badgers at the Metrodome - fancy dinners, hott waiters, and foam fingers included!
- Celebrate Thanksgiving AND early Christmas with the family
December:- The House gets in the Christmas spirit by hosting an Elf party and putting up decorations galore!
- Together, the roommates brave papers, finals, and blizzards ... lots and lots of blizzards ... mostly by procrastinating, and sometimes by trips to Dairy Queen
- The House celebrates the Joyous Day of Feasting by, well, feasting!
- I return home for the holidays and survive all final papers in the nick of time ... another semester, down.
- The family celebrates Christmas
- I make this non-exhaustive list, which turned out to be quite the exhausting process ...
In this year, I traveled through or visited 16 places: Illinois and Missouri; Illinois again (what a pity), Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia (very briefly, I believe), Maryland, and D.C.; Florida; Utah; Massachusetts; Minnesota and South Dakota; the UP and Canada; Louisiana; and Minnesota again, a few times, for good measure. I had never been to 10 of them, so that is very cool for me.
I read some amazing books: The Ragamuffin Gospel, Through Painted Deserts, Harry Potter, Velvet Elvis, A Severe Mercy, Searching for God Knows What ... there are more, but those were some of the more life-changing ones. Really. Books change lives.
I had made such incredible memories with my friends, whether we were taking on the world or sitting on the couch, doing everything or doing nothing at all. Camp friends, high school friends, college friends ... how blessed am I!?
Despite being gone so much, I was able to spend time with my family this year. Vacations and time home, seeing new sights and keeping old traditions. It's really quite beautiful, and again, I am so blessed. I certainly don't deserve the life or the loved ones that I have, but God is so incredibly gracious.
And, through all this, I think God has brought me into a deeper relationship with Him. Yeah, I suck. I screw up all the freakin' time. I hurt the people that He's brought into my life, I worry about stupid things, and I don't always make time with Him the priority that they should be. And yet, He has taught me a lot about loving people - and therefore, a lot about what it means to follow Him. I can't begin to imagine what 2008 will have in store, but if it's half as good as what I've known, I'll be blessed indeed.
The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.
Ecclesiastes 1:5
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