Auld Lang Syne

This summer is ... different.

It's not a bad thing, it just is. I mean, last year at this time, I had almost two full months at camp under my belt. Though it had been kind of a difficult summer, around this time last year, things couldn't have gotten much better. Everything was just amazing. The sixth through eighth grade week was awesome: Kristen was up at camp, I was on ropes and photography, it was Christmas in July. Then the weekend came: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix came out on the big screen, and a posse of us made the pilgrimage to Oshkosh in order to cheer on Harry. And then we polished off the night by grilling out atop the disc golf course at camp. Then came Jr. Staff camp: There was very little actual work there, unless you count dominating canoe races as work (just one of the many things I get paid to do ...). And then Jones, Werner, and I drove to MLC, and continued on to flippin' South Dakota. Some of the best days of my life. And then ... staff retreat. And the glorious release of the 7th HP. And everything was just so picturesque and unforgettable.

I remember '06 being somehow similar. I had a really great sixth through eighth cabin, and then there was Night Owl Camp, where lots of strange things happened at 4am and Chrissy and I slept in the basement of the AB every night. And then we went on a road trip to Michigan and it was a really good time with some of the older staff. For whatever reason, things always just fell into place whenever I realized that camp was already half over. Life started happening, things became exciting and funny and wonderful.

But this year is different. Perhaps it's because I haven't been breaking my neck this summer: I mean, I've only actually been on camp property for about 10 days. There hasn't been that element of difficulty to the summer. In fact, my job doing Day Camp has been rather easy. I haven't settled into camp. Rather, I get re-acquainted with some of it's beauty every weekend. I haven't made all these incredible relationships. Instead, I've stayed in my comfort zone and enjoyed time with old friends. This summer has been great, it really has, but camp hasn't seeped into my blood and it hasn't been challenging. Maybe I should be glad for that, but maybe without the low of the challenge you can't experience the high of rest and relaxation as much.

Nothing has been the same this summer, which is something that I knew would happen going into it. Relationships are different, positions are different, duties are different. I'm different. I'm not this timid little first-year trying to figure stuff out for the first time. Suddenly, I'm out on my own and in charge and making decisions for not only myself, but for other people. It's fun and I love it, but sometimes I miss being in that stage of wobbly-tottering. It's fun to have a clearer picture of who I am in this world, but not until now did I realize how much it took for me to get here. I didn't appreciate the struggles or the challenges then, but as I look back now, I realize that was part of the fun of summer. That was part of what makes camp great, the toughness of growing up mingled with the joys of little successes and bonding with others who are going through the same things as you.

This post is a bit too abstract and nonsensical, but I guess I am just in that good old post-camp state of contemplation; as soon as I leave, I'm always pondering what makes it so great and how it has changed me. I suppose all I can do is take this summer on its own terms, and be grateful for the days of auld lang syne.