Coming to China?

Today in class we learned how to structure sentences that give advice and sentences that point out necessity. I could say, for example, "I need to shower." However, this wouldn't technically be correct, apparently, because there aren't any laws here in China that tell me I need to shower, it's not mandated by anyone or anything. It would be better for me to say, "I really ought to / should / had better shower."

(It's true. I really ought to shower. Some things just don't change ...)

Anyway, I told my students that my family is coming to visit me in China, and that they've never been here before. Their group work was to come up with six sentences - three suggestions and three necessities - of advice for the laowai (foreign visitors). Here are some of my favorites:

• They shouldn't go to Beijing or Shanghai. Because it's too big. You will get lost. [We wouldn't want that, now would we?]
• They should have a Chinese friend and the friend should know the price in lots of the country.
• They should eat local specialmes. [Mmm ... specialmes.]
• They'd better find a Chinese or someone who can speak Chinese.
• They should go to Beijing and eat Beijing Duck.
• If they get lost they should call 110. [My students were, apparently, very concerned that you would not get lost.]
• You have to take much money.
• You must follow Chinese laws.
• You'd better use chopsticks when you eat Chinese dishes. [Or else ...]
• They should order hotel. Because on vacation there are so many tourists on China.
• You need to buy tickets before going to the parks.
• You have to take the passport with you. [Ah yes, they must remember the passport.]
• They'd better go to visit Dong Fa Ming Zhu (the tallest building in Shanghai).
• They must notice thief, because they're too many people in Shanghai.
• They must be careful of the traffic safety.
• If you're a woman or a girl, you should go shopping. [No boys allowed.]
• You must care the weather. Because maybe the city you want to go is different from your city.
• You must taste as much as you can eat!
• They ought to care about transportation because there are so many cars in China, and the traffic system is important to everybody. [I didn't realize there was so much pride invested into the transport system, but there you have it.]

And, my personal favorite,

• You must believe your daughter is the most beautiful English teacher in our school. [Annnnd - YOU get an A!]

Now you're all ready to come to China, friends! See ya' in Shanghai -- if you don't get lost first.