Cue the Frolicking Fairies, It's Springtime at Last!

'Ello friends!

It's been awhile! And here we are - almost at the end of the school year! Honestly, who would have thought? It truly seems like I just got back from Camp and was buying my books for the Fall ... and now I'm headed back to Camp, and turning in my books from the Spring. For meagre, meagre amounts of money ... oh, the turnover that the University Bookstore gets.

Mmmm ... so spring is CERTAINLY in the air, and I can't get enough of it. Today, before I got my study on, I was lucky enough to join my roommate Shanti and our friend Ed for some brunch on the Capitol Square and some wandering around the Farmer's Market. (Which, for the record, is my new most favorite thing about Madison. I can't believe I hadn't experienced it before!) I absolutely aaaadooore (catch the 'It Takes Two' reference) Madison in the spring. Truly, truly my favorite things in the world. Or up there, at least.

Speaking of which, I was just reminded of a favorite quote by CS Lewis from the Screwtape Letters (an excellent read, folks, an excellent read).

Humans live in time, and experience reality successively. To experience much of it, therefore, they must experience many different things; in other words, they must experience change. And since they need change, [God] ... has made change pleasurable to them ... but since He does not wish them to make change ... an end in itself, He has balanced the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together in the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm. He gives them the seasons, each season different yet the same, so that spring is always felt as a novely yet always as the recurrence of an immemorial theme.

Perhaps that is indeed one of the beauties of spring: the newness of it, and yet - the newness that is alway somehow the same. Love it, love it. Spring's always been good to me ... there's just something about driving with the windows down for the first time, not having to walk out the door with two sweatshirts and long johns on, smelling the lilacs in the air and watching the trees burst with blossoms seemingly overnight ... ya just can't beat it.

It's been an interesting school year, and in a way I'm sad to see it go. I'll totally miss my apartment and the relatively easy schedule, Shanti's cooking and late night dance parties ... but, I'm also pumped for my camping trip, Camp (even if I'm still wondering where on earth I'll get that energy from), and for coming back for another year in Madison. The house next year should be fab, and I'm looking forward to getting more involved in Campus Crusade and leading a Bible study at the Chapel / Student Center. Who knows - maybe I'll even get a job. We'll see ...

Random: Shanti and I have decided as of late that I totally need to visit her in India over Christmas. (Needless to say, I've been doing a little airfare searching instead of looking up which Greek hero was inadvertently boiled by his own children.)

Well, it looks like it's time for some dinner, Harry Potter, and possibly, possibly more studying. Eh, my exam's not till three tomorrow ... I've got time ...

Spring Break, Sparknotes Version

Hey everyone!

So, it's been awhile since a blog update. I'm sick of writing my paper (I've written a whole paragraph today ... it's probably time to call it quits anyway ... right?) so this seemed like the next most logical option. (I acutally have no idea how I get anything done at the rate I work at ...)

Right now I'm exasperated beyond belief! It's been very hard to get into the swing of things lately. Granted, it's only been three days since my Spring Break adventures, but my mind is still everywhere but here in Madison. Frankly, I would just rather waste away my days swooshing down the Rocky Mountains or lollygagging on the Atlantic Coast.

A recurring them in my life is RESTLESSNESS. BOREDOM. Sometimes I feel like I'm not content if I'm not going, if something new isn't happening. I realize not all news is good news, and yeah yeah, "one day I'll look back and these and think they were the best days of my life" and blah blah ... but I'm soooo over this whole "college" thing. I feel more and more like it's just not for me. There's very little, if anything, that I learn in my classes that I couldn't learn on my own by swinging by a local library. Or looking on Wikipedia. (PS - I LOVE Wikipedia.)

Don't get me wrong: I enjoy learning. Lectures aren't the worst part of college. Sure, sometimes it's hard to stay focused, but for the most part I enjoy at least two of my classes. Ironically enough, those are not my English classes. Praise God, I'm switching my major! I just really can't stand my English classes, and I've had it up to HERE with analyzing stuff written by dead guys putting up with my insane professors. I LOVE reading and stories, and I LOVE metaphors and finding the meaning in something ... but I could care less about hearing someone debate with themself about a meaning that is clearly not implied by the text for an hour each morning. It's like all my professors have split personalities. ("Well, it could mean this ... OR ... it could mean this ... OR it could mean the author was gay ... OR it could mean this text was couterrevolutionary" OR I could punch you in the FACE and that would solve this problem real quick.)

I digress.

It's also hard because I know what I want to do, I know where I want to go ... and I'm here. And my education isn't bringing me any closer to what I really want to do. I know I just need a degree and it really doesn't matter what kind of grades I get and yada yada ... but the fact that I'm busily stationary is driving me mad. I'm sure I'm probably "missing the point" or something, but it's hard to see the big picture when all I want to do is get out into the world.

I wish I could just take correspondence classes for the rest of my degree. All I would need is a laptop ...

Anyway. Enough of my ranting and raving. What's been happening lately? For starters, I had the most amazing Spring Break ever. Higlights, Cliffnotes style?

• Breathing in the mountain air!! Ohhh -- I love it out West!! I was born in the wrong place!!
• Learning how to ski!! It was amazing! I loved it! (But I need to stop getting expensive hobbies ...)
• Hanging out with Chuck Norris ... yup ...
• Getting hit on by the Ski Patrol men who had to come fetch me off a mountain ... oh, fun times ...
• Finally getting some long overdue time with my long lost best friend Tracy
• Feasting ... feasting ... feasting ...
• The magic man at the sports bar during the National Championship
• Meeting new friends in the airport and on the plane to Boston
• Getting to see Chrissy for the first time since Christmas Break!
• Getting an up-close and personal look at Chrissy's Bentley College (at East Coast school - so charming!)
• Learning to navigate the "T" (their underground) and understanding the layout of the city
• Touring the Museum of Fine Arts (free on Wednesday nights!) and the Isabelle Stewart Gardner Museum (Old lady collects art, dies, and they turn it into a museum. That lady had way too much time on her hands ... but it was very cool)
• Rummaging through Filene's Basement (designer clothing for cheap!) and seeing what seemed like the world's largest Borders and H&M ... heavenly.
• Prancing around the Haaarvard Green, throwing frisbees and wearing backwards baseball caps (because that's what college kids do, right?)
• Spending time with other Camp friends Callie, Bethany, and Beth (back all the way from Europe!) completley dominating the entire Freedom Trail (State House, Old North Church, site of the Boston Massacre, Paul Revere's House, USS Consitution, Old City Hall ... I don't even know. But we did it all. But we couldn't find the Corner Bookstore. We decided it was bought out by Borders. Probably was.
• Having a wonderful "Dinner and a Show" experience (Check out "Shear Maddess." Way funny Boston original.)

I realize this stopped being the condensed version ... but let's just say that Park City and Boston were grand. I was blessed to spend time with old family and friends, met a few new interesting folks along the way, saw some more of America the Beautiful, crossed out FOUR of the 1000 Place to See Before I Die (The Canyons, Isabelle Stewart Gardner, Freedom Trail, Legal Seafoods - I SAW Legal Seafoods, I just didn't EAT there, because it was crazy expensive. But the book isn't called 1000 Places to TASTE Before You Die ...)

These links might work for pictures:

Utah: http://wisc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2205262&l=e4f93&id=8629006

Boston Part 1: http://wisc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2205376&l=e8a5f&id=8629006

Boston Part 2: http://wisc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2205465&l=5ec50&id=8629006

Well, I think that about covers it. You poor folks have spent a lot of time reading this already. I feel bad that I missed everyone for Easter, but I was there in spirit. Amen! Jesus is risen! And I guess if school sucks, I've still got that going for me! Love and miss you all!

Here's To You, Karl Marx

Wow, it's actually been a while since I wrote, but it definitely doesn't feel like it! February and March marched right along, and now we're nearing April. Who would have thought it, really?

Right now my brain is sort of fried.

I'm on a mission today, to write five pages of a ten page paper. For many people, this is a menial task, but I acutally hate writing papers. I'm not sure if any of you knew that about me. I hate it. It doesn't help that it's a critique of French Marxist philsopher Louis Althusser's Ideological State Apparatuses. And then I'm supposed to theorize about the political implications of his model of subjectivity and create my own model. Or something. I have no idea. It's actually amazing that I've written close to three pages already, because I a) don't care about this person at all, b) don't care about this class at all, c) have no idea what he is saying.

Well, I have one up on Mr. Althusser: I didn't strangle / murder my wife and die in a mental institution. But, I might have ended up in one if I had not taken a break from writing. That's what this theory stuff does!!! IT MAKES YOU CRAZY. AND THEN YOU KILL YOUR WIFE.

The people that I have studied this year are not normal. They all like, hang out with each other and die weird deaths together. Ugh.

Luckily, Spring Break is upon us! FOUR MORE DAYS! FOUR MORE DAYS! Then I get to go to UTAH and BOSTON and be cultured and have fun and travel and be awesome all around.

Also luckily, my roommate just called me and is having, a quote, "fashion crisis." Well, I'd rather help her with the fashion crisis than write anymore.

Hopefully I don't strangle anyone on my way to the mall.

Letting the Kid Out

Oh, the happiness that Sabbath Friday brings.

FYI - Sabbath Friday is a day that I designate to rest, relaxation, reading for fun, fellowship, service, the Bible, prayer ... basically, whatever I want, as long as it's enjoyable and focused on furthering my relationship with God or others.

So anyway. My Fridays are always outstanding. I always come away from them feeling very refreshed and invirgorated, and more eager to dedicate my life to my Lord and loving others. Last Friday was especially exceptional. I was finishing up the Ragamuffin Gospel, by Brendan Manning, which I would recommend to anyone looking for a "fresh" (yet wholly "original") perspective on grace and its place in our daily lives - it's a great read. Manning has a lot of wonderful insights; he seems like a wizened man, a man who I would like to chat with next to a fireplace in an overstuffed armchair. (And his picture on the back cover makes that vision all the more enticing.) However, he accumulates a lot of his wisdom from others. The book is laden with quotes and poems from those who have gone before. So anyway, near the end of the book was this quote from the poet Samuel Ullman, and it really made me stop and think:

"Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite, for adventure over the love of ease ... nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust. Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what's next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, so long are you young."

In light of my recent "Oh my gosh I'm getting too old" mindset, this passage was comforting and uplifting. I think it's pretty much applicable to all of us; we've all watched life pass quickly before us, and it's troubling to see the children within us subjected to the cares of the world and to the pressures of time. But, it brought me back to the number one thing I learned from my dad: "Always let your kid out." Even though our physical child grows up and tends to get beat up by the experiences of life, the kid inside is infinite, always seeing the joy and the sunshine of the world instead of the clouds that so often fog our vision.

So even though our decades here on earth seem to be rapidly accumlating, it certainly does not have to be the end of fun, or the end of the incredible blessings that God offers to us each and every day.

I hope that everyone reading this will be struck by wonder today, and I hope we can all learn to take the time to think about things the way our "kid inside" would.

Blessings and love!

The Last 20 Minutes

Right now, it is 11:40. I have twenty minutes left to be a teenager.

I'm very sentimental about things like that. I love countdowns, anniversary's, and the like. Why? Not quite sure.

I remember my 13th birthday ... It was fun! It was a hotel party, how could a hotel party not be fun, really? And there was my mom, with her hand in the door ... and all us girls freaking out. Oh, good times. Of course, there was teenage girl drama - there usually was.

And now - my first step into those life-changing years as a twenty-something ... and it's SO unmonumental. I spent my day trying to convince myself to do things that will be better in the long run, though it would forfeit short-term "happiness" and allow me to handle things non-confrontationally. (I guess it's mature and all, but I don't like it. Nope. Nope I don't.) And I spent my night being crabby and stressed and oh-so-tired, racking my brains trying to write a paper that I really don't care about. Talk about a good way to end my teenage existence. (Well, perhaps it is emblematic of my later teenage years ...)

Perhaps, in 13 minutes, sparks will fly, fireworks will explode, people will come streaming into my apartment, with noise-makers and food (hopefully it won't be cake - I'm pretty sick of the cake) and champagne or something. And a live band, naturally.

Now we're down to 11 minutes. 11 minutes left to be crazily emotional, immature, silly, boy-crazy, giddy, hormonal, pimply, a dangerous driver, snotty, skinny, foolish-but-acting-wise, rebellious, spontaneous ...

Do those traits ... just ... go away? Cuz a part of me wants them to stay.

Now I'm getting nostalgic. I really want to be a teenager again. Well, okay, I really want to be 21, but I also wouldn't mind staying 18 forever (notice the allusion to a song popular when I was 16). People always glorify childhood. Dude, that was good times too, don't get me wrong. But what's so bad about getting your heart broken, only to fall in love again two weeks later? Or what's so bad about feeling free for the first time you get to drive alone or with your best friend? What's not to love about the afternoons when classes where out? Remember the well-defined social groups, and having summers free to do nothing but read or stay out on trampolines and star-gaze?

Four minutes.

Four minutes, and I shall enter that world of graduating (only to go to school again), job-finding (only to realize you hate your job), and husband-finding (only to realize that his breath smells really bad in the morning).

I should mention, I'm really not that cynical. I have nothing but the highest hopes for the next years of my life. In fact, they could be even better than the last decade or so. I'm so excited for what's in store for me, but ... it's nice to look back and see what you've had. It wasn't always fun. In fact, a lot of times it was downright lousy. But, in the last analysis, I grew up. I became more of myself.

And there's something to say for that.

The Big 2-0

I've been wanting to update this thing forever now. I wanted to talk about the New Year, about Urbana, about the excitement of a new semester and the anticipation I have for Camp and the desire I have to go on missions ... but, I haven't.

And now, we are already two months into the New Year. Christmas break (and all its drama) seems like ages ago. Urbana is a distant memory (a great memory, but distant), and life has been zipping along, the way it usually does.

Life is so great right now I almost feel guilty. I'm so content in my apartment, with my amazing roommates. I'm so excited for the spring and the summer, happily anticipating the memories and growth that Camp will bring. I'm learning a lot in school, and though I'm always bogged down with reading and papers, I generally enjoy what I'm studying. (Though, I do hate my Theory class. The only reason I stayed in it was because the professor was quite good looking. Is that a poor motive?)

Of course, there are always little bums along the way. I've had to deal with everything from relationships (or the lack thereof, or, more accurately, the ever-present desire for the lack thereof) to roommates (past and future) to my consistently inconsistent plans for my summer and for my future. Despite these curveballs in the game of life, I wake up every day feeling so blessed, because learning to hit curveballs makes you a better batter, and I know that at the end of the day I'll look over the field with satisfaction, knowing that I played my best and that the team's going out for ice cream.

My apologies for the lame analogy.

But in all honesty, I have been so blessed. It feels so good to wake up every day, knowing that God will give me the strength to handle whatever life throws in my direction. I've been working hard to be bold, to be open, to cultivate relationships. Sometimes, when all that lies ahead is four more boring lectures, that's what gets me out of bed - the fact me being at this school, at this place in history, is not coincidental. I'm working more and more to make the most out of this time in my life, because there's a lot of despair on this campus. There's a lot of people who just need a smile, but there's many more who just need a Savior. I hope that I can bring that happiness that I have to other people's lives.

It's crazy to think about how much God has revealed to me about himself in my 19th year of existence. I'm pretty excited to see what the 20th has in store for me!

Side note: There are 368 days till I can drink. Allllright. ; )

Application Schmapplication

I'm so sick of writing this application. I have ADD right now. If I would just FOCUS I could get this done in half an hour, hour tops. But no. I'm freaking reading my own blogs, instead of working on the essays that could change the course of my summer.

Ugghhh. Whhhyy so many questions?

I want to go to Camp, but ... if I means spending any more time searching Bible passages about drinking and lust ... They're both bad. I get it.

Leadership

So, I just figured out that I think I can post some things of my life on my internet space at school. Oh, how far your tax dollars are going ...

I just finished making a Power Point presentation for a banquet-esque type thing going on tomorrow night. It's called 'Dinner and Dialogue,' and it's a few hours dedicated to awarding student leaders on campus. Of most interest to me is the fact that "my" Emerging Leaders graduates will be recognized. So, I got to put together a little schpeel and presentation, saying what we've done over the past semester, and thanking everyone for their hard work in making our program possible.

So for those of you who are wondering what the heck I did on my Thursday nights for the past three semesters of my life, here's a good look.

PS - Imagine this slideshow playing to the tune of "Swingtown" by the Steve Miller Band :)

https://mywebspace.wisc.edu/xythoswfs/webui - just click on "Documents" and then on "D n D Slideshow" - you'll have to save it to your computer if you want to view it.

I'll be back some other time, when it's not almost two in the morning ... that clock is wrong for some reason.

Change O' Plans

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.

Change of plans. Surprise!

I don't think that I should even write a blog every time my plans change; I would have way too many entries. But I just thought it was funny. My grand scheme lasted a whole ... week. Bummer.

My wise advisor is now leaning me away from the School of Ed. Reasons?

• It will take me at least five and a half years for Undergrad. And I could have a B.A. and a Masters in the same amount of time
• It's a total gamble. She's seen people with better GPA's than me get rejected. Then I've wasted two years of my life completing dozens of "un-used" credits
• I won't get to keep the Honors degrees that I've already / am completed / completing
• For as much time as you're putting into it, you only get one major. They won't let you graduate wtih a degree in English (even though you've completed all the necessary requirements for the English major itself) and English Education (even though you've completed all the requirements for English Education itself). Trippy, I know.

All it is is Red Tape. Stupid beaurocracy that's keeping me from what I want. It's frustrating, because I know I'm entirely capable of doing this, but to me it's a whole lot of hoops to jump through.

What now? Well. I was thinking about maybe getting out nice and easy in four years. And then getting my Masters in Education. That way, I'll know how to teach. I'll know a lot about English. I'll save lots of time, time that can be spent doing other fun things. I'll have one more plaque to put on my wall. And, if I'm teaching at a WELS or Christian school or whatever, you mostly don't need a teaching certificate. I sorta looked at the credentials of some of the WELS teachers around the synod. If they didn't go to MLC, there were a bunch that got their undergrads and masters from big universities (a couple from Madison, even). So I know at least that it's theoretically possible.

And, if I don't get a job, I will mooch off my father and travel the world. Kidding.

Sorta.

Heh.

Yay for the liberal arts!!

Who needs practicality when you're a well-rounded person with an eccentric father?

Paradigm Shift

It makes me sad to think that just a few posts ago, I was at Camp. Summer seems like a million years away. I miss it. I need it back.

I got a taste of Camp last weekend. I was so thankful for it. I've been trying so hard to put things into perspective lately, but it's been really difficult to do. When you're surrounded by noise, people, to-do lists, and deadlines, it's so easy to forget what's really important.

Being at Camp also made me realize how far I've gone since summer. I used to ... do things for people. Jump around and be crazy. Laugh. Now I ... focus on myself. Collapse into bed whenever I get the chance. Sigh. The teen retreat taught me more than anything that I need a change of perspective, and it also gave me hope that I could attain one. It reminded me that God's not so far off - He's even closer than an hour drive to Camp. And it reminded me that this whole big thing called life isn't about me. I forgot that for awhile - so now it's time to put my epiphany into action.

I've been praying for guidance lately, and I'm just hoping that God's plan reveals itself soon. I hate waiting. Right now I would like to:

• Work on cranking out my English major and the School of Ed pre-reqs
• Maybe plan a trip for before Camp, just so that I can quench my thirst for travel
• Work at Camp and have the time of my life next summer
• Live in Madison next year (in a cute house that I am working on finding right now!)
• Take opportunities to travel and / or serve others during school breaks
• See where in the world God takes me for Summer '08

So, as you can see, I am hoping to get into the School of Ed. (I have to work out credits with my advisor as soon as possible, because otherwise I'll be in college for at least 14 years. Which is fine if you're getting three or four Ph.D's, but not if you're just getting an undergradate diploma. I'm not okay with that. ) But it'll be a difficult feat - they only let in 15 people per year to their English Secondary Ed program, and it's the No. 1 in the nation. But, if I keep on the route that I'm on, I should be okay. The advisor I spoke to was very optimistic - he told me it was a big decision to make, but that if I decided that I truly wanted to go that route, they would be very pleased to have me. Obviously, that was really cool to hear. It would be nice to have a professional degree from the top school in the country.

I'd rather not go into the work force right away. I have dreams of maybe doing something like Teach for America, the Americorps, or the Peace Corps. That's a long way off, but I think any of those things would be really great ways to help others and have some adventures in the process. Or else I could do some other kind of humanitarian aid or a mission trip or something. I'm keeping my options open; I'm just not a 9-5 kinda girl.

Before all that, however, I'm just gonna try to do what I can here. I'm looking into tutoring, day-care jobs, school positions, and the like for next semester. There are Tons of options, so it's just a matter of sifting through the information and finding a job / internship / volunteer opp that works for me. I'm also going to apply to be Writing Fellow (basically, a glorified peer editor who's really fancy shamcy and works hard and gets paid) while also sticking it out with SLP in another capacity now that my Committee Chairship is ended. (Emerging Leaders ended on Thursday! So sad! It's taken up a year of my life, and now my resume is calling out, wailing that it is empty and needs to be filled with activities to take up my time ... )

I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm getting tired and am probably going to call it a night soon. I've just got a week and a half and then I'll be home for Thanksgiving! My stomach is already growling ... oh my goodness, I can already smell the pumpkin pie ...

School = Life

Hey guys!

I'm feeling pretty lazy right now. I've decided the homework is out of the question on this particularly cold Friday; I'm just killing some time before some friends come to town. Eating (again) and then the Badger Hockey home opener! Should be a good time. I'm very excited!

It's been quite awhile since an update, as is ususally the case. School has been rather rapacious toward me lately ... I'm just not getting a break. No breathers in sight, either. I haven't even been doing that many outside of school activities; I'm more or less just trying to stay on top of classes, which are consistently trying to take over my life. Don't get me wrong - I'm loving what I'm studying. I enjoy going to most of my classes and think my professors are basically brilliant (though a few have a slight God complex, which is to be expected here ... ). But they just like to push us really hard. Or maybe I'm the only one who's being pushed hard. Whatever it is, I've been working my butt off to little avail: I got a B on my Journalism paper and a C on my Shakespeare exam, and usually have no idea what's going on in my amazing Lit class. (I love it, but most people are too smart for me! Too smart or just really good at BS-ing, which I think is closer to the truth.) On the other hand, I got a B+ on the Botany (well, pseudo-Botany, because we really don't talk about plants. We mostly talk about the social implications of plants) exam that I didn't study at all for. Maybe I should make my living studying plants. BLAH! It just sorta sucks when you study stuff that you enjoy and should be good at, but you're just not doing as well as you would like. And I can't study any harder. I really can't. So, we'll just see how the final grades come out. I think that most professors grade on improvement. I can only hope ...

In other news. Well, there's not really much other news, seeing as school = life. But, I was ill for awhile. Really ill. I had a nice little bout of pneumonia. I basically didn't move from Sunday to Tuesday afternoon. And then my roommate drove me to the bus that drove me home. And then I tried to go to class on Thursday morning and my Professor was kind and said, "Nikki. Go home and go back to bed." I was so happy! And then I slept most of Thursday. And then I took two midterms on Friday. It was interesting. Needless to say, sleeping all week makes a busy week much faster and less stressful! I should get sick all the time before midterms. Then I could totally justify bad grades!

Well. I guess I'm out. Maybe I should change my clothes before I meet up with my friends. Things like showers and appearance simply just fall out of priority around midterms. It happens. It's Friday. What do you expect?!

Love.

Back to School

Wowza. So, my apologies for never updating this thing. In my defense, I have a few excuses. Such as living in three different places over the course of approximately one and a half to two weeks. Or moving into an apartment. Or starting college (again). Man, these things are time consuming!

Good news: I'm all caught up with homework! Unfortunately, that's not much of an accomplishment, seeing as I've only had one class. And, mark my words, that's probably the last time you will EVER hear me say that again this semester.

Camp seems like a million years away. I've been trying to keep it close to my heart by playing camp songs on the guitar, writing messages to people, looking at the pictures, jotting down inside jokes, and most importantly, working on the "Camp Shrine," complete with pictures and song lyrics and memories from the summer. (I'm afraid it has now been put on the back-burner; I just didn't seem to have the time to finish it before school started, which is a little upseting.)Camp still lives on a little, though. For one thing, it taught me how to manage my time much more effectively, which I've been putting into practice since I've gotten back to school. I haven't really been messing around on the internet or watching mindless TV. I've also made it a point to stay active and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. And my stomach has been loving this eat-healthy thing I've been trying - the camp food all summer was what convinced me that good food makes you feel really good too. (Thanks, sister. You'd be proud of me and my salmon.) I've also kept in touch with people, which has helped things stay fresh in my mind as well.

More importantly, I've been trying to stay in the Word and talk to God a lot, which really makes all the difference in the world. I miss Camp most of all for that - solitude, alone time with God. You have to search harder for it here, and it's certainly not in the pristine wilderness that we've got up there. But, I guess God lives in Madison too. :) And, I've gotten so accustomed to singing all the time that I'm even thinking about joining Gospel Choir. I know, you guys are all falling off your chairs with laughter right now, but I'm pretty set on it! (My roommates convinced me ... !)

Now it's back to routine time again. Starting schedules is always difficult, but I think organization in the beginning of the year helps a lot later on. I'm certainly trying to fit a lot in! There's planning and teaching Emerging Leaders; Student Leadership meetings and committee work; church, Primetime (weekly Campus Crusade gathering/worship), and Bible study; Gospel Choir, tutoring middle schoolers (if it works out); working out; taking care of the apartment and myself; hanging out with friends and roommates; sporting events, and oh ... I'm missing something ... oh, right. Classes. I had almost forgotten. Well, those classes will certainly be an inconvienient addition to my college experience. Good gracious. It looks awful when I write it out like that. Maybe I won't think about it!

Funny story of the day: I was sitting around before my English seminar started, just chatting to some of the other people around the discussion table. One was a junior, one was a senior, and both were English majors. And then they laughed a me when I said I was taking two English classes this semester. "Oh, that's rough. Good luck on having a life." Wait a minute ... we're English majors! Isn't that what we're supposed to do?! Take English classes?! I knew it would be bad, but sheesh ... We'll see how the semester goes! Looks like it will be intense.

Well, I should get going. I think I will hang out with my roommates for a little bit before I retrieve my cousin from his job in Middleton. Aaadaaam ... why are you depriving me of sleep!? That's okay, I really don't mind. :)

I miss you all and wish you God's blessings at home!

Summer Runs Down

Crusher is dyyyyying.

Crusher is being cruuushed.

Oh, right. You guys don't know my new self. The really hardcore self. Or, the self that is still not that hardcore at all but has an ironically hardcore nickname. Get it? Haaa.

So WHEN did the summer decide to have four days left? I'm really confused. All I have is a half week of counseling left. Just the little 2-4 graders. They can either be SO cute or SO annoying. Last week I had the annoying kind. They got better, but sometimes little children really piss me off. Is that a bad quality as a counselor? Oh, don't get me wrong. I love em. But gosh, do you have to ask EVERY DAY what we are doing after Bible study?! WE"RE GOING TO CLEAN OUR CABINS, just like we have FOUR days!!! So many questions. All the time. All you really have to do as a counselor is know a schedule and tell the brats what you're doing next. Okay, sorry, I'm really tired. I'm not actually that mean all the time. Really.

Oh, the lovliness of 3rd-5th weeks. You've got the new kids, often coming to Camp for the first time. They always have ailments, like stomachaches. ALL THE TIME. Or twisted ankles. NEVER FAILS. Or bug bites. GET OVER IT. Or, in my case this week, panic attacks plus all the above. Cute kid, but honestly, pull yourself together. You're not going to die in a boat. Unless you're in the Titanic, then you might. But we don't have ocean liners in the Upper White River Mill Pond. Just rowboats. That's all. You'll be okay. BREATHE. Then there's the constant wetness and dirtiness. You really might as well just not shower. (Well, okay, basically I didn't. No news there. Haven't shaved in a good three weeks either. Meh, it's sleep or shaving. Something's gotta give.) We get thrown in the lake, doused with GALLONS of ICE COLD WATER at Campfire when it is approximately 55 degrees outside at 9 at night, slimed with gallons of icey, old, green-dyed apple sauce. (Alright, I'll say it again: I DO NOT LIVE A NORMAL LIFE! And that is completely okay with me!) Then there's the random tangents ... Where do these thoughts come from? It makes me confused. All in a day's work! :-)

As tired as I am, as low as my patience is running, as much as I am craving just reading on a couch or taking a nap, you will have to pry me away from this place. Leaving on Wednesday is going to be AWFUL. You can't make me.But I'll write more reflectively on that later. Camp deserves more than a three line paragraph.

The next days of my life will be packed: Campers, cleaning Camp like crazy (oh, good aliteration Nikki), packing up my life, driving to Madison, unpacking my life, meeting my parents and moving in, going back "home" (what's home anymore, really ... ?), and hoping that I will catch up on sleep, friends, and naps before going to SCHOOL. I'm just a little confused, because I'm pretty sure I just left school.

Alright, my time here is running low. Looks like a movie is commencing!

Love, as always.

Program Staff Adventures

Exhaustion.

It's been an innnsaaane two weeks! So great, but so insane. Let's re-cap my two weeks of Program Staff:

Week One:

Successful Campfire, on the "Intergalactic Recieving and Transmitting Agency of the Milky Way and Other Galaxies." (i.e., see how loud I can scream as I lead "Rooted," and watch me get doused with a bucket of cold water. :) Always entertaining.) Successful devotion on being covered in the dust of your Rabbi. Successful evening game, where the kids go on a quest across the galaxy to gather data chips for the US Space Station. 20 sessions of Outdoors Sports, led with varying success. (It's sooo hard to think of stuff to do sometimes ... ) But hey, I survived! And I was wet the entire week. Kids like hoses, let me tell you.

Week Two:

Successful Campfire, on the Love StorE. I was Trudy Love, and me and my husband, Jaun Love, even found Matthew love because of the good potions sold we at our storE. So fun. I also had Photography Specialty ... hmm. I'm not sure how that went. Seeing as I knew nothing about 35mm film or really what's involved in taking pictures, it could have gone much worse than it did. This week was so incredibly filled with last minute planning for Photography, leading it rather hestitantly (I tried really hard, I really did.), eating lunch, then heading down for Ropes all afternoon. I enjoy Ropes, but it's hard to stay motivated doing it for app. 20 hours in a week. And it was hot. So hot that I cried on the first day as I tried unsuccessfully to set up a ladder for my Ropes "boss," Amy. Okay, that ladder was heavyyyyy. Then we laughed, cuz I'm so pathetic. Luckily, the weather cooled down and my muscles got used to working again, so the rest of the week went much better. The highlight of the time at Ropes was getting a little autistic boy, Matthew, a few steps up a pole. I was so proud of him just for trying because he had been so scared. So I had another devotion on Wednesday. This one was difficult. Nothing was striking me about the passage, and after trying for a long time to get something down, I went to clear it with the big guy, Matthew. Hmm. While meeting with him, we came to the conclusion that it was best to scrap it entirely and start over - 2 hrs before campfire, with one of them spent on SALT Growth (a wonderful time every Wednesday, for the entire SALT Staff to get away for an hour and be with each other). I was incredibly nervous, seeing as this was rather close-cut. Matthew sent me out with a passage from Exodus, where God tells Moses not to worry, because He would give him the words to say. I laughed and knew everything would be okay. I went out by myself for awhile, and the devotion started to come to me. Then Growth was an absolutely amazing worship service and communion, leaving almost everyone crying at the end. Wow, I loved it, and it was amazing encouragement. Despite the fact that I wrote most of my devotion during Campfire, it went very well and I was quite pleased. God pulls through again in the clutch!

Well, it looks like the library is kicking me off the internet. Boo. It's time to get the laundry ...

Peace out, all.

God Rocks My World

Can I just say that God is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING?

Just because He is. For no reason, and for all reasons. He's just been way good to me lately, and I just feel the need to express how happy I am to be here at Camp. I had a few hard weeks in there, but lately things have just been shifting for the better. I'm just enjoying things so much and feel much more confident. I guess these things just come with time, but I had to battle those insecurities head-on. It's still an uphill climb, but it is now one that I can see more clearly that God has wanted me to walk.

::Sigh::

I'll take you through the last few days/weeks:

-A time to get some sleep at home and to reevaluate how I was doing ... I wasn't too pleased with myself then.
-Some time to serve as program staff, making me remember that I'm here not for my own doing, but for others
-AN AMAZING CABIN! I had 8 girls that I am SO happy that I got to know! I was so proud of them: Their servant hearts, their happy attitudes, their love for the Lord, their happiness in each other. So cool!
-A half week of Nite Owl, AKA the craziest most uncoventional camp ever introduced to the WELS. Think: canoeing at 2am and doing the ropes course from like, 10pm to 4am. And a million other FUN things, coupled with a small, FUN staff and just 14 campers ... 13 girls, 1 boy. HILARIOUS! And I got to be the photographer, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
-A GREAT midsummer eval, which calmed down A LOT of my fears and worries and insecurities and misconceptions.
-A road-trip to Michigan! I got to know some insanely awesome girls much better and got to play in God's creation on the sand dunes on the coast. And Laaaaura's mom made us food in Chicago on the way! Whoot! And if you get the chance, hike the friggin dunes. SOOOO FUN.
-SALT Staff Retreat! Some GREAT chill-time in Steven's Pt, WI. You have not experienced a true board-game experience until you've played with Camp people. Nor have you experienced a rummage sale at its fullest until you go with Camp people. And if you have never played the game Warewolves, make sure that when you do play it, you play it in front of drunk people ... they will be very confused when you accuse others of being possessed!

Now I'm on a weeek of program staff again - Got devo tomorrow! Pray for me, and that God may speak through my inadequacies to further His Kingdom in those little 3rd-5th graders!

Much love.

Back at Camp!

So that last post was a little random. I just had never published it till now.

Obviously it's a lot later. A lot happened when I was home. Not all of it was great, especially in the friends scene. Mostly it was Nikki-Tracy time, which I'm entirely okay with. But soon it was back to Camp, which was GREAT. It felt so good to be back.

Oh, but I guess I don't have time to write for now. Ah well ... gonna chill out for awhile. I'm going to be Camp Photographer next half-week; wish me luck on my DVD making abilities. Dad, I shall be calling you a lot.

EXTREME Summer

A lot has happened in the past few days! In mere hours I've gone from being immersed in Camp to becoming a part of real world! Here's how ...

Last week's session was a random one. After my bouts of hysterics about my campers not liking me and not knowing how to handle/connect with them, things started to look up. We had some time to get to know each other some more and I think we all got used to each other and even started to enjoy each other's company. Then on Wednesday things got weird again and I got this 24 hour flu thing, where my head spinned and I puked a lot. I got to have some time off, totally crashing from quiet time to dinner. Luckily I soon got on my way to feeling better, because Thursday I had to be in shape to drive a 15 passenger van down to Devil's Lake. I didn't feel so hot in the morning, but we made it there without any "EXTREME PUKING" mishaps ... and without getting lost. (Boo-ya to all you staff who put bets on me winding up somewhere in Minnesota or other adjacent state.) It ended up being such a fun day! Our little road trip down was made into an 80's dance party and oldies at the top of our lungs. (I think they thought Karen and I were crazy ... !) Thursday ended up being an amazing day of rock climbing. We had perfect weather and we all survived the brutal hike up the bluffs, though I did think that my heart was going to pop out of my chest on more than one occasion. I've always wanted to go, but I have now decided that rock climbing is the greatest thing since ... surfing. I think I need an EXTREME VACATION someday. (Have you noticed that you can make anything sound exciting when you but the word EXTREME in front of it and scream the phrase in a LOUD VOICE? I have.) Here's some pictures of me being EXTREMELY HARDCORE. Kay, I'm done.

So yeah. It was just a blast. Oh, and here's the cheer my girls came up with:

We are climbing girls
In a rocky world
It's fantastic -
Helmets are plastic!
We don't brush our hair
Got bruises everywhe-ere
We've got muscle -
You better hustle!

Come on rockers let's go climbing
(Ah-ah-ah yeah)
Come on rockers let's go climbing
(Oo-oh, Oo-oh)

After that the week went quickly, bringing me to Saturday, where I got to go home! It's been sooo nice. When I finally stepped in the house a few hours later, my mom actually squealed. My parents grilled out and Leslie came over to enjoy that real food with me. (Not that I don't love Sysco ... ) I pretty much sat around the rest of the night and loved it. Loooooved it! Tracy eventually came over, and we discussed our now separate lives and all the things that have happened over the past month. It's so weird not being able to talk to many of the main people in my life ... She stayed over for a while, but I crashed after she tucked me in and I got to SLEEP IN the next day!

Creepy Crawlers

Okay, there is definitely something skittering around here in the basement of the Registration building and I'm totally freaked out. AAHHHHHHHHH. Ciao, folks. I'm running to the dining hall.

A Bumpy Ride

Yeesh ... the highs and lows that are all a part of my summer job! It's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster here for the past few days. I think it's a sign that it's time for a break and some sleep.

My first full week ended on a high, but tired, note. It felt good to sweep the last of the never-ending pile of sand out of the cabin and pull away to get some FOOD! It was such an incredible weekend! Me, Jones, Chrissy, and Callie Dublinski(a Jr. Staffer) all spent some time at Karen Eggert's (another Jr. Staffer) family cabin about 10 minutes away, and it really could not have been any better! We started off with a trip to Subway and the "sketch" laundrymat ... but they all got a little impatient with my folding, so Jones stormed in, undid my piles, and threw my clothes around and shoved them into my bag. I was very upset - but it did force us to move on! When we did make it to the cabin (after turning right at the ugly tree and left at the weird bridge) we got into
"Camp Inappropriate Swimwear" and chilled on rafts, without the obligation of playing Marco Polo or Stuck in the Mud. Ah, the blessedness of having no campers. It started to storm, so we all got into comfy clothes and cuddled up in blankets and drank hot chocolate and did a puzzle ... I'm not even going to lie, it was so incredibly cozy! Ahh! After awhile of that, we decided that we should pull our butts into civilization, so we all went out to Christiano's, for some of the best pizza to ever hit your lips. (Oh, this was after we managed to break into Karen's house to reclaim the keys locked inside. Proof that the low ropes course builds real life skills.) We pretty much pigged out, and then we "cruised Hwy. 21" to head back to Camp for a covert operation of stealing Time's Up (a.k.a., the best game ever). It was such a fun time, and I do not believe I shall ever forget Chrissy's impression of Plato or Jones' impression of Grover (the monster on Seasame St, not the president). Pretty much died laughing. We forced ourselves to stay up till 10:30, and then completely crashed onto real beds for the longest sleep I've had in four weeks. A-MAZING. The next day we woke up refreshed and ready for a Heeeuggge breakfast at Charlie's, the best coffee house in at least five counties. A great way to start the week!

After the thrills of the weekend, it was hard to get in the swing of things again. This was made more difficult by the fact that I was certain that my campers hated me. I had five girls come together, so they all could talk and talk about stuff they knew about, and they really had no need for my input on the coversation. Almost all of them are going to be freshmen, and I've had a hard time relating to them. To top things off, I felt like most of what I was saying was going in one ear and out the other. Example:

Me: Hey, could someone close the door when they leave?
Them: Oh, I really like that girl's hair color. ::run toward the dining hall::

Me: Hey, who can pick up these lunch trays?
Them: ::blank stares::

Me: So what did you guys like about the ropes course today?
Them: Eh, we've all done it before.

ARGH. SO FRUSTRATING. Then little things start piling up, and before you know it you've spent a half hour in the bathroom bawling because you forgot that your cabin was supposed to be color coordinated for breakfast. Over-reacting? Maybe. Karen, my amazing Jr. Staff and one of my favorite people (and not just because she has a cabin), told me to relax, I can't be Camp's Counseling Goddess in my second week here. Older staff are quick to give advice, but I guess it's all about first hand experience.

Luckily, things started looking up today as the day went along. We had a successful low ropes experience and some time to just relax and get to know each other some more. I've got a little better perspective on things, and hopefully that can carry over to make the next few days more enjoyable and take me cruising to a weekend home!

Rule #1: Don't Let Nikki Near Objects With Wheels

Well, I have a few spare moments so I thought I'd take the time to update you all on my life!

This is our SECOND half-week of campers! My cabin from Sunday-Wednesday was great. There were ten 5th grade girls, and only one got homesick, and her only for a few minutes before she calmed down. They were all pretty talkative and good-natured, and got along well. The only problem was that they all came with someone else, and so it was hard to get them to "mix" with each other. They were real good kids, but I was still glad when the last parents minivan pulled away on Wednesday - I was getting a little sick of singing the same song every time we stepped out of the cabin. And hey, variety is a good thing.

We had about an hour off before the next round came storming through. These girls are mostly 6th graders, and seem a little more mature. I only have six this week, and I'm still trying to read their personalities. Sometimes they are SO much fun and I'm just laughing like crazy, other times, I'm like, "Dude, you're a brat. Stop talking." Well, in my head at least ;) We'll see how it goes. There's one that I will have to pray and pray for patience with. She's a ... different? ... child. Very ... imaginative. And talkative. And okay, downright weird. But, this too will pass. Luckily, like last week, I have a Great junior staff (Stephanie Geske). They have been such a big help! I'd go crazy without those volunteer highschoolers to keep me sane and provide intelligent conversation (i.e., conversations not centering around your mom's sister's best friend's cat's gastrointestinal infection ... Gah!). Kids are funny ...

It's great to be surrounded by such great staff. We've been having such a good time lately, because we've been longing for each other's company. So everytime we get together is ultra crazy and hilarious. But, I'm not gonna lie, I've gotten some good teasing lately. And believe you me, I deserve it! Why?, you ask? Well, let's just say I will soon have another scar to add to my collection on my forehead. In a scene only possibly made up with a Carow girl, I completely crashed on my friend's bike on my way to go visit Jamie Tuets for a massage. Let me tell you, handlebars driving into your temple do not feel good! I didn't realize how good a gash I got until I got to Jamie's and she told me I was like, thisfar away from needing stiches. I felt like a child, with sand and gravel in my hands and elbows and knees. I may have had a minor concusion as well, as I was pretty out of sorts the rest of the night, with a pounding headache and a seeming inability to communicate with clarity or sense. Once again, thank goodness for amazing junior staff! I've got some pretty solid bruises and I'm still a little sore, but luckily nothing was majorly hurt. At any rate, I've come to the conclusion that bikes and my family were not - in any way, shape, or form - made for each other. (Jen, Jamie especially appreciated my condition, openly laughing with me about our complete lack of biking skills ... )

Aside from my now widely acknowledged clumsiness, all is well at Camp. I need to get cracking on working on some stuff, but I'm wishing you all happiness and fall-free bike rides!